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Writing Samples
Band 4

the diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

the diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given natural process illustrates the data of the life cycle of the
honey
Use synonyms
bee
Use synonyms
 which takes 34- 36
days
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be easily seen that
this
Linking Words
 creative cycle is comprised of 7 stages commencing with laying
eggs
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 and culminating with being
adult
Add an article
an adult
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honey
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bee
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it can be observed that in the beginning
eggs
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 which females lay every
there
Correct your spelling
three
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days
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 hatch after 9 to 10
days
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. In the third
step
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, after 5
days
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,
eggs
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 are naturally broken and small
honey
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 bees start to fly. It is followed by 2 growing times which are
fourth
Change the article
the fourth
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step
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by
Change preposition
in
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 7
days
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 and
fifth
Correct article usage
the fifth
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step
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 9
days
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.
However
Linking Words
, the diagram points out that
Use synonyms
honey
Correct article usage
the honey
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bee
Use synonyms
 in the fifth
step
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 is nymph moults 3 times as it grows. In the penultimate
step
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, after
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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 period
honey
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bee
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 transformed
to
Change preposition
into
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young
Correct article usage
a young
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 adult
emerges
Verb problem
apply
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, adult
honey
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 bees
ready
Add a missing verb
are ready
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 to lay
eggs
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. All in all,
this
Linking Words
 is a relatively complicated and natural life cycle and it totally takes 34 to 36
days
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, bee, days, eggs, step with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life cycle
  • laying of eggs
  • queen bee
  • hatch into larvae
  • rapid growth
  • develop into pupae
  • significant transformation
  • emergence of the adult bee
  • matures fully
  • cyclical nature
  • colony’s survival
  • reproduction process
  • subsequent generations
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