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Band 5.5

Schools should stop using books for teaching to learn as they find them boring, and use films, TV and computers instead. To what extent do you agree with this?

#schools #books #films #tv #computers
Many people argue that
books
 are not effective as as films and other digital
sources
 for educating school kids.
While
 both of these
sources
 are not bad either, It is worth comparing between both. In
this
 essay, we will discuss the aspects of
books
 which outweigh digital
sources
Firstly
,
Books
 are not solely meant for
education
 alone. There are a lot more hidden qualities together which makes it unarguably the best source of knowledge for school
education
.
While
 reading
books
, Students exactly go through the same words quoted by the writer which communicates the context with accuracy near to 100% and knowledge transfer happens ideally.
While
 reading, The kids visualize the content in their minds and pull themselves to the world imagined by the author.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 Habit of reading is proven healthier for the eyes than spending more time watching digital content. The normalization of terming
books
 as 'boring' will not fit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every individual as it is more of an individual perspective.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the modern world insists on the usage of Digital platforms for
education
. It is not a perfect replacement for the existing practice of using textbooks and ruling out
books
 is a no-brainer solution. Studies reveal that the screen time of people increased manifold than how it used to be back in years and now using Digital
sources
 completely for
education
 will catalyse the screen time for kids and will hinder eye-sight at small ages. Both digital
sources
 and
books
 are arguably the best
sources
 of wisdom, But the disadvantages of
books
 are negligible when
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
compares
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of digital media.
Thus
 the usage of
books
 should not be axed.
Submitted by pingmeonrajesh on

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task achievement
The essay should provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure is relatively well-organized but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and smoother transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction clearly sets out the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view with consideration for both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The language used is formal and appropriate for an academic essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • multimedia resources
  • captivating
  • complex subjects
  • visual and auditory stimuli
  • digitalized future
  • technological skills
  • cultivate
  • imagination
  • concentration
  • depth and detail
  • critical thinking
  • analytical skills
  • disparities in education
  • tangible experience
  • continuous learning
  • personal development
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