Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. You should write at least 250 words.

As the world is developing in science , so
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
diseases, it is very
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
for every individual to prevent
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
before
it
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they
show examples
effects
Verb problem
affect
show examples
anyone. I will share some of my ideas and
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
to support my argument.
Firstly
,
vaccine
Add an article
the vaccine
a vaccine
show examples
is the most important invention that can eliminate any disease before even
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
effecting
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affecting
show examples
anyone, and it does not have side effects.
For instance
, it was a horrible experience with covid outbreak,
fortunately
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fortunately,
show examples
we
did overcome
Wrong verb form
overcame
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it by using only vaccines, as there
were
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was
show examples
no
medicine
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medicines
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which could help
this
disaster. In short, for
mostly
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most
show examples
diseases
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
which
effects
Verb problem
affect
show examples
minors
Add a comma
minors,
show examples
we should prevent
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
as
it
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they
show examples
can impact their physical or mental growth.
Secondly
, many
parents
avoid vaccines by saying their
child
does not have any problem
then
Rephrase
so
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why
they
Add a missing verb
do they
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give their
child
a vaccine
.
Change the punctuation
?
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They need to understand a
child
does
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do
show examples
not know what is happening
with
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to
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them or in their first 1 to 2 year of
period
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the period
show examples
they can not even talk, even the doctors get
confuse
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confused
show examples
sometimes understanding
a
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an
show examples
infants
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infant's
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problem.
Therefore
, it is
parents
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parents'
parent's
show examples
duty to avoid major diseases which can
b
Correct your spelling
be
avoided easily. And there are laws as well that
tells
Correct subject-verb agreement
tell
show examples
us
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
need to be vaccinated. And, every
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
should follow these rules and give their
child
vaccines on time. In summary, a vaccine plays a very important role in a baby's life, we should not ignore it.
parents
need to understand their
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
for their baby's vaccination. In rural areas laws are not followed properly because of lack of knowledge, the government should
also
focus on these areas as well.
Submitted by MK on

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task achievement
Expand on each point more thoroughly to create a more comprehensive and detailed response.
task achievement
Include more specific and varied examples to support the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentences' grammatical structures and punctuation for improved clarity.
coherence cohesion
Create smoother transitions between points to maintain a stronger flow of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the benefits and necessity of vaccinations with relevant points.
coherence cohesion
The structure includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
The essay addresses common objections to vaccinations and provides counterarguments, which strengthens the position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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