Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
While
it is widely claim
that there are numerous possible difficulties for Change the verb form
is widely claimed
elderly
these days to encounter, others argue that nowadays life of the elder Correct article usage
the elderly
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
is
much improved Correct subject-verb agreement
are
comparing
with the previous era. Both Wrong verb form
compared
point
of Fix the agreement mistake
points
views
and reasons why I agree with the latter statement will be elaborated on in Fix the agreement mistake
view
this
essay.
To begin
with, it may seems
sensible for some to believe that Change the verb form
seem
aging
in today's world could be a struggle. Change the spelling
ageing
This
is possibly because the globalization that has a
fierce competition leading to an early retirement of the future retiree. Correct article usage
apply
By doing
Change preposition
Doing
this
, make
some people Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
to felt
isolated and worried as they have to prepare Wrong verb form
feel
aging
plans financially. It will eventually become more difficult for some if they do not have family to take care of them Change preposition
for aging
at the end
of life period.
Many opponents of this
idea might oppose
that the improvement of technologies Verb problem
argue
enhance
better quality of life Change the verb form
enhances
toward
the retiree and beyond age group Change preposition
for
than in
the past, especially longevity of lifespan. Take Change preposition
apply
advance
technologies, Replace the word
advanced
for example
; these gadgets aiding
with Wrong verb form
aid
lifestyle
of the Add an article
the lifestyle
a lifestyle
eldery
.
Correct your spelling
elderly
However
, I personally argue in favour of aging
in Change the spelling
ageing
this
generation seeing that the awareness of the elederly
has been Correct your spelling
elderly
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasised
on
several nations worldwide these days. Change preposition
in
To simply
explain, Change preposition
Simply
due to
demographic changes of future elderly that
Change the verb form
are
is constantly increase
each year, Change the verb form
is constantly increasing
is constantly increased
this
stimulate
the government to take Change the verb form
stimulates
this
into an
account in order to take care of Correct article usage
apply
these
fragile group. To Correct determiner usage
this
explify
, Correct your spelling
exemplify
new
Add an article
a new
the new
policy
that Fix the agreement mistake
policies
aiming
to aid these people financially Wrong verb form
aim
such
as monthly payment
, free Fix the agreement mistake
payments
accessible
Replace the word
access
of
Change preposition
to
the
medical service, or Correct article usage
apply
the
discount Correct article usage
apply
of
the elderly Change preposition
for
for
public transport.
In a nutshell, Change preposition
apply
although
it is undeniable that there might be some obstacle
for Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
elderly
to face, I am of the opinion that Correct article usage
the elderly
its
pros of Change the word
the
recent
world outweigh its detrimental outcomes in order to bring better quality Correct article usage
the recent
aging
.Change the spelling
ageing
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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coherence
There is a need for clearer structure and logical flow between paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your points with more specific and detailed examples. This will help in illustrating your arguments more effectively and improve task achievement.
task achievement
The essay presents both views on the topic, ensuring a balanced discussion before providing a personal opinion.
coherence
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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