Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In modern society, many people argue that
children
spend too much time on their smartphones. Some view
this
negatively,
while
others see it as an inevitable result of technological
advancement
. I agree with the latter opinion. It is undeniable that technological advancements have progressed significantly over the past decade.
Consequently
, smartphones and other devices have become widespread among individuals, leading many
children
to waste a lot of time in the virtual cyber world. It appears that some
children
do not meet friends outside but only make friends in gaming spaces.
However
, I believe that
children
gain more from using these devices.
Firstly
, with increased access to various resources,
children
can discover what they want to do and what kind of adults they want to become from a young age.
For example
, a child in Korea happened to watch a video on astrophysics on YouTube, started studying early, graduated from
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
in Korea before the age of 20, and
then
went to the United States to earn a Ph.D.
This
case shows that every
advancement
comes with drawbacks, but it is unreasonable to view current advancements negatively
due to
these drawbacks. In summary,
while
the excessive use of electronic devices by
children
due to
technological
advancement
is unfortunate, it is wrong to label
this
advancement
as negative because of
this
issue.
Submitted by jin960524 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your main argument. However, consider adding more detailed explanations or another example to further support your points. This will improve the completeness and depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay and make it easier for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
While your use of specific examples, such as the child from Korea, is effective, try to provide additional examples or broader contexts to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You have responded fully to the task by discussing both why children spend a lot of time on smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development.
task achievement
The example of the child from Korea is a good illustration of your point and enhances your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: