Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In modern society, many people argue that

children

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spend too much time on their smartphones. Some view

this

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negatively,

while

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others see it as an inevitable result of technological

advancement

Use synonyms

. I agree with the latter opinion. It is undeniable that technological advancements have progressed significantly over the past decade.

Consequently

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, smartphones and other devices have become widespread among individuals, leading many

children

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to waste a lot of time in the virtual cyber world. It appears that some

children

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do not meet friends outside but only make friends in gaming spaces.

However

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, I believe that

children

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gain more from using these devices.

Firstly

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, with increased access to various resources,

children

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can discover what they want to do and what kind of adults they want to become from a young age.

For example

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, a child in Korea happened to watch a video on astrophysics on YouTube, started studying early, graduated from

university

Correct article usage

a university

show examples

in Korea before the age of 20, and

then

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went to the United States to earn a Ph.D.

This

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case shows that every

advancement

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comes with drawbacks, but it is unreasonable to view current advancements negatively

due to

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these drawbacks. In summary,

while

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the excessive use of electronic devices by

children

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due to

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technological

advancement

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is unfortunate, it is wrong to label

this

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advancement

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as negative because of

this

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issue.

jin960524Sun May 26 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your main argument. However, consider adding more detailed explanations or another example to further support your points. This will improve the completeness and depth of your response.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay and make it easier for readers to follow your argument.

task achievement

While your use of specific examples, such as the child from Korea, is effective, try to provide additional examples or broader contexts to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow.

task achievement

You have responded fully to the task by discussing both why children spend a lot of time on smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development.

task achievement

The example of the child from Korea is a good illustration of your point and enhances your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

220 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some countries unemployment is high, so some people think that children should only go to primary school and not to secondary school because, they will not be able to find jobs in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building the live in. What are the reason for this? How can people research this?

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts, while boys like science. what are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?

Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that robots are important for humans’ future development. Other think that robot have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.