IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is a debatable argument about how
people
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 share
information
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 in some
countries
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. Some argue that data should be provided for everyone for mutual benefit. Others feel that
information
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 should be saved without showing up freely
due to
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 personal purposes.
This
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 essay will discuss both these positions in turn. It is vital to understand that having plenty of
information
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 will help nations to improve quickly. In many
countries
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, authorities are collaborating to improve their
countries
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 briefly.
For instance
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, in
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
show examples
 epidemic,
people
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 shared
information
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 with other
countries
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 to accelerate the process of manufacturing the vaccines.
Therefore
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, I believe that sharing
information
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 is the primary factor in developing an individual
as well as
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 a country.
However
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, the fact that offering
information
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 freely is detrimental to an individual or an organization. To explain
further
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, crime will abuse
this
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information
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 to steal money from
people
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.
In addition
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, if a company elicits their
information
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, their competitors will use
this
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 to compete with other companies. It is my view that leakage of
information
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 will lead to plenty of harmful factors for many organizations
as well as
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 individuals.
To conclude
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, it is necessary to improve a country by sharing data with each other
while
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 providing data freely
also
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 has some drawbacks.
Hence
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, I believe that
people
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 have to take
information
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 into careful consideration before sharing it with other
people
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing your logical structure by explicitly stating the main points in your introduction. This will help the reader follow your argument more clearly.
task achievement
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. For instance, provide concrete instances of companies that have encountered issues due to shared information.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarises the main points and presents the writer’s opinion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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