IELTS essay, topic: Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

There are many

museums

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have charge for the ticket. Nowadays,

the

Correct article usage

apply

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musuems

Correct your spelling

museums

are popular as

the

Correct article usage

apply

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tourist spots and with the cluster of visitors, many

museums

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have

the

Correct article usage

a

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policy of charging for

the

Correct article usage

apply

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entrance.

Whereas

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some

museums

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still

Add a missing verb

are still

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free. I personally believe that the admission

fees

Use synonyms

is

Unnecessary verb

apply

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cause more benefits

that

Correct word choice

than

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the advantages, described in the following paragraphs.

To begin

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with, it is undeniable that in the present day,

the

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apply

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museums

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such

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as history

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museum

Fix the agreement mistake

museums

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,

arts

Change the noun form

art

show examples

Use synonyms

museum

Fix the agreement mistake

museums

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and

Correct word choice

apply

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natural

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museum

Fix the agreement mistake

museums

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etc.

being

Wrong verb form

are

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popular and becoming one of

the

Correct article usage

apply

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tourists

Change the noun form

tourist

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destination

Change to a plural noun

destinations

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.

Following

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this

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, the

museums

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have to hire more staff and security guards in order to

making

Change the verb

make

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the best experiences for their customers, so it is not

surprised

Replace the word

surprising

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that some

museums

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will charge the entering

fees

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. Charging the entering costs

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

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to

Change preposition

apply

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many

beneficial

Replace the word

benefits

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such

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as expenditure for maintenance, salaries for staff and improving the

museums

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.

Firstly

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, the

museum

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will

has

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have

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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sufficient

fund

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funds

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in order to do the maintenance

works

Correct subject-verb agreement

work

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not only

repair

Fix the infinitive

to repair

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the statements or arts, but

also

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the

building

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build

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and

the

Correct article usage

apply

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facilities in the

museum

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.

Secondly

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, staff and security guards will gain more service minds and

being

Wrong verb form

be

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happy

from

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with

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the salaries

earning

Wrong verb form

earned

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. After that, with more money, the

museum

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can

arrage

Correct your spelling

arrange

and improve

in

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apply

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the pieces that they

presenting

Wrong verb form

present

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. To illustrate,

Thai

Correct article usage

the Thai

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museum

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arraged

Correct your spelling

arranged

the

Correct article usage

a

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campaign

of

Change preposition

for

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the national Thai dress competition and it caught

people

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people's

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attentions

Fix the agreement mistake

attention

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after the

museum

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increased the

entering

Replace the word

entrance

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price for adults.

Additionally

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, there is one drawback of charging

fees

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which is not everyone can get in. People who

wants

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want

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to pass through the door need to pay for the ticket.

Following

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this

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, it causes

the

Correct article usage

a

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decreasing

Replace the word

decrease

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of

Change preposition

in

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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customer admission compared to other

museums

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that have free entrance.

To conclude

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,

the

Correct article usage

apply

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museums

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should charge

for

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apply

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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entrance

fees

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because the money they

earned

Wrong verb form

earn

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can be turned into many positive

development

Change to a plural noun

developments

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for the visitors

outweigh

Wrong verb form

outweighing

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the negative influences.