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Band 6.5

The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary insititutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995.

The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary insititutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995.
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The featured bar chart
compare
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compares
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 the proportion of boys and girls participating in eight curriculums in Australia in 1995.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of male
students
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 who majored in accounting & economics, maths & sciences, computing and engineering were higher than female
students
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, there were more girls in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 & humanities, health, education and business studies fields. It is clear from the graph that the proportion of male
students
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 who took engineering subjects was the highest one among all courses, with 18%.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to female
students
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, that
figure
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 was only 2.5%. The same tendency happened in maths & sciences, computing and accounting & economics too, where male
students
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 accounted for 14%, 10% and 13%, but those
Use synonyms
figure
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figures
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 for female
students
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 were 6%, 4% and 11% respectively. There were different
pattern
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patterns
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 in other subjects. As for arts & humanities, there were 18% female
students
Use synonyms
 choosing to study in
this
Linking Words
 aspect,
while
Linking Words
 only 12% boys interested in
this
Linking Words
 subject. Apart from that, the percentage of girls who studied
in
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apply
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health
were
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was
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 15%, which is more
three
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than three
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 times
than
Correct word choice
that
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boys
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of boys
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 10%
female
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of female
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students
Use synonyms
decieded
Correct your spelling
decided
 to learn education,
while
Linking Words
 the
figure
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 for
male
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males
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 was 6%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in business studies, the percentage of female
students
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 was
silghtly
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slightly
 higher than male
students
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, with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
figure
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 of 9%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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