IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nfluence of human beings on the world ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio diversity? What solution can you suggest?

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Because of human lifestyle, the ecosystem has been effeted massive trouble about the extinction. and balance 610- diversity. The author of
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain the main causes of that problem and give the solutions. It can be seen that
illegal
Correct article usage
the illegal
show examples
 hunting of wild
animals
Use synonyms
 causes ecological. Because of the money, some hunters disobeyed the government's rules has
eliminated
Wrong verb form
eliminating
show examples
mang
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 consequences for the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. The sortely of wildlife can be
threaten
Wrong verb form
threatened
show examples
 so that some species become"
hare
Fix the agreement mistake
hares
show examples
For instance
Linking Words
 , in Vietnam because of the treatment, many tigers which lived in wildlife were killed to many the medicine. The beauty industry
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 for testing and making their goods.
For example
Linking Words
, the luxury brand Hermes
have been
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 used
crocodiles
Change the noun form
crocodile
show examples
 skin to make
handbag
Fix the agreement mistake
handbags
show examples
 and
that is
Linking Words
 the reason why some types of
this
Linking Words
 animal
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
rare
Correct article usage
a rare
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 breed. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, the government needs to apply and strictly enforce laws to prevent indiscriminate animal slaughter.The government must
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
create
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 code
for
Change preposition
to
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 protect the habitat of wild
animals
Use synonyms
. In
Korean
Correct your spelling
Korea
show examples
, they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 built many “wild
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
” ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 mean that the zoo will be built
similar
Change the word
similarly
show examples
 to natural
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
 and not only make more profit but
also
Linking Words
 can conserve the rare
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. In
other view
Change the wording
another view
other views
show examples
, the way
allow
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the brand
stop
Correct subject-verb agreement
stops
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
Add an article
the experience
show examples
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 can be
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 good choice . Nowadays, lots of
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as P/S
is change
Change the verb form
is changing
show examples
 the label to “ no animal testing”
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tell to the user that their goods are friendly with the environment. In conclusion,
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 balance between
natural
Replace the word
nature
show examples
 and
animals
Use synonyms
are come
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from human’
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 strong enough the
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 our planet.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each solution to provide a more in-depth analysis. Currently, the solutions are briefly mentioned and lack thorough explanations.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using transitional phrases can help to connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that verb tenses and subject-verb agreements are correct throughout the essay. Minor grammatical errors can affect the clarity and comprehensibility of your points.
task achievement
The essay mentions several valid and relevant examples, such as the Hermes brand and the use of wild zoos in Korea. These examples help illustrate the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear framework for the essay, which helps in understanding the writer's stance on the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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