IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

IELTS essay, topic: Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#ielts #topic #museums #charge #admission #outweigh
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The two pie charts
compares
Change the verb form
compare
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 the sources of
energy
 production in France in 1995 and 2005.
Overall
, equal quantities of both years produced gas and coal, but a dramatically larger number of Petro was in 1995. There were
also
 many differences in values
nuclear
Change preposition
of nuclear
show examples
 and other kinds of
energy
 production. Turning to the first chart, we can observe that coal was produced mainly (29.80% participation rate) than other sources. Gas comes as the second most popular type of
energy
 production,
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
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 by almost a third of all elements. Gas is followed by
petro
Correct your spelling
petrol
, which is exercised by 29.27%. Nuclear is
less
Correct article usage
a less
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 preferable
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 than
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 three before, chosen by 6.40%. Other, the least popular type of producing
energy
 among all, represents only 4.90%.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider structuring the essay with clear paragraphs including an introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph should discuss a specific point.
coherence cohesion
Make sure every piece of information supports the main points of comparison and contrasts the two pie charts effectively.
task achievement
Ensure you analyze all components of the charts comprehensively, not just a few selected elements. This will make your response more complete.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by avoiding redundancy and organizing the data in a straightforward manner. Presenting percentages in the same sentence for all years can improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task of comparing the energy production sources in France for the two years specified.
task achievement
The essay includes the key data points from the pie charts, such as the percentages for coal, gas, and petro.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fees
  • Revenue generation
  • Facilities
  • Exhibits
  • Maintenance and preservation
  • Artifacts
  • Exclusive exhibitions
  • Temporary exhibitions
  • Overcrowding
  • Equitable access
  • Discounted rates
  • Educational experience
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