Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
How to educate
children
correctly is always a difficult issue worldwide. It is the opinion of this
writer that children
should be taught as only individuals instead
of being good employees because of the education of the country and the diversity of people
.
It is vital to understand that teaching students to be good workers cannot develop their problem-solving skills or logical thinking. It is because teachers focus on turning them into people
who cannot do anything but work without thinking. For example
, being quality citizens and workmen does not mean they are knowledgeable and smart, they are just people
who have the ability to obey the rules and hold a job. In other words
, it is a failure of the education of a nation.
Another key component of the case for edifying children
with nothing but discipline is the variety of people
. It is fact
that the Correct article usage
a fact
world
is more colourful thanks to various people
in the world
because they are the only individual
with different appearances, characteristics and stories, Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
that is
the thing makes
them special. If the Correct pronoun usage
that makes
world
lost its variety of cultures or people
, how it would be boring.
Change the punctuation
?
Thus
, it is very important to benefit children
as individuals, not just for them but for the world
.
In conclusion, how to teach children
correctly is still a challenge, but it is very critical for the education of a nation and the colorful
of the Change the spelling
colourful
world
.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear viewpoint, but it could benefit from deeper analysis. Try to elaborate more on your points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is both introduced and concluded well. This will improve clarity and flow.
task achievement
While your arguments are valid, incorporating more specific examples and evidence will make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to link your paragraphs more smoothly. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, which helps provide a comprehensive overview of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, discussing the main purpose of schooling in a structured manner.
task achievement
The language used is appropriate, and you have a good command of vocabulary and grammar, making your ideas easy to understand.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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