The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays,
the
new technology affects Correct article usage
apply
people
's lives
so badly, some
innovations Correct word choice
that some
brings
a lot of significant impacts Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
to
our Change preposition
on
life
, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
such
as smartphones, computers and electrical furniture. We all know that science
is fundamental of
technology, so I strongly agree the aim of Change preposition
to
science
should be to improve people
's lives
.
No doubt, science
makes a more convenience
Replace the word
convenient
world
for humans, it changes our daily life
. A lot of innovators have created new digital products based on Fix the agreement mistake
lives
science
, like smartphone applications, which depend on WiFi. Also
, we can find electrical products everywhere as well. A long time years ago, a human's daily routine was following the sun, when sunset people
went to bed; at sunrise
Add a comma
sunrise,
people
woke up, but the scientist found an electrical theory, then
Correct word choice
and then
innovator
created a lamp to light the Correct article usage
an innovator
world
. Now, people
have many choices without following sunlight, they can hang out with friends in the evening; they can read books in the evening.
Furthermore
, science
influences many epic inventions in the world
. In our lives
, we are not hard to find a technology item without science
. For example
, our lives
can not be without the
Correct article usage
a
fan
or air condition in cruel weather. Those inventions can help people
escape the strange climate by controlling the degree of temperature by
manual settings. And, I want to mention the Change preposition
with
fan
innovation brand of Dyson, the design jumps out the
traditional Change preposition
of the
fan
,
because the Remove the comma
apply
fan
uses the theory of wind by science
.
In conclusion, I agree the most important aim of science
should be to improve people
's lives
. Sciencescience
has a big influence Correct your spelling
Science
in
the Change preposition
on
world
, particularly human
life.Change preposition
on human
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Coherence & Cohesion
While you've addressed the topic well, providing clear arguments and examples, there are opportunities to organize your essay more logically. For instance, try to avoid repetition and ensure each paragraph has a clear main point.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and directly relates to the introduction.
Task Achievement
Work on improving sentence construction to avoid basic grammatical errors, such as incorrect tense usage and singular/plural agreement.
Task Achievement
Adding more detailed and varied examples can strengthen your arguments. Try to incorporate specific instances from history or contemporary society.
Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides relevant arguments to support the stance taken.
Task Achievement
Your examples, such as the reference to the invention of the lamp and the Dyson fan, are relevant and help illustrate your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay flows logically for the most part, making it easy to follow your reasoning. There's a clear structure despite some improvements being necessary.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.