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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#line #show #information #crime #uk #year #summarise #features #comparisons
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The pointed line graph shows the fluctuation of
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate based on the relationship between age and
crime
Use synonyms
. As we can see, children from 0 to 8 years old
nobodys
Correct your spelling
nobody
 had committed a
crime
Use synonyms
, but others from the age 8 to 12
did
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 almost 5 thousand
crimes
Use synonyms
. The line from 12 and 20 years old rosed up and to achieve peaks of 70 and 80 thousand
crimes
Use synonyms
. Around the age of 24 young people became more quiet. The pie chart describes the different types of
crime
Use synonyms
. The most
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed were violent
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 which have the biggest slice of
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 with 46%. Property
crimes
Use synonyms
 and drug
crimes
Use synonyms
23
Add a missing verb
are 23
show examples
% and 22% respectively. The
last
Linking Words
 one, which is the public order
crimes
Use synonyms
 is a slice that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the smallest size because in 9%, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
almost half of the
Overall
Linking Words
, many young guys of 20 years old more or less
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
committed violent
crimes
Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
 year.
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words crime, crimes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • The line graph depicts
  • The pie chart illustrates
  • reveals
  • displays
  • depicts
  • the trend of
  • the overall crime rate
  • steadily decreased
  • the distribution of
  • different types of crime
  • prevalent
  • accounts for
  • the most common crime
  • followed by
  • make up
  • a smaller proportion of
  • the total crimes
  • a smaller percentage
  • approximately
  • the remaining percentage
  • It is important to note that
  • reflects
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