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Band 6

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.
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The table provides data about the year of establishment, length, and number of users of the underground railway systems in six big
cities
Use synonyms
 in the world.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in Europe are located the oldest and the longest metro among the presented. In London, which was opened in 1863, the longest railway accounts for 394 kilometres of route,
follows
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by Paris with around a half compared to London’s duration, 199 kilometres only. The shortest metro is in
Kyoto
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, Japan,
however
Linking Words
 the youngest railway system is in Los Angeles, US, and it is almost 2.5 times longer compared to
Kyoto
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, albeit has a similar capacity. Interestingly, in terms of
passengers
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 per year accumulated amount of total European
cities
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 is approximately equal to the total Japanese
cities
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,
however
Linking Words
, there is a disproportion among the
cities
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. Tokyo serves the biggest amount of
passengers
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, 1927 million a year,
while
Linking Words
 another Japanese city,
Kyoto
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 presents the smallest amount of 45 million only,
whereas
Linking Words
 Paris is
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place and London on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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third one with 1191 and 775 million
passengers
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 respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Washington DC, is the only city that consistently holds
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fourth place in all the categories.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is a correlation between the date of opening and length, with the small exception of
Kyoto
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,
however
Linking Words
, there is no connection between the size of the subways and the number of
passengers
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 who use
this
Linking Words
 infrastructure.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, kyoto, passengers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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