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Band 5

You recently recived a letter from a friends asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Writing a letter to this friend. Hn your letter . say why he/sshe would not enjoy going to college . explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her . suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her

#friends #advice #college #job #friend #hn #sshe #idea
Dear Alex Thank you for sending me a letter about your future decision. As one of your
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
, I am glad to give you some
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 my
expriences
Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
. We have been a best friend
over
Change preposition
for over
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 fifteen years
therefore
 I know you better than others.
As
Change preposition
In
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 my opinion, going to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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college is not a wise choice
in
Change preposition
at
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 our age
besides
 we have left school life
decades
Change preposition
for decades
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, even in
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
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favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 subject. Staying in class with concentration is not
a
Change the article
an
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 easy thing after we multitasked on work.
However
, getting a job is easier than going to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college,
therefore
, I have
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
 ideas of
Change preposition
for job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 that
suits
Correct subject-verb agreement
suit
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 your character. Your kindness always
letting
Wrong verb form
lets
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 you have
Correct article usage
a passions
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passions
Fix the agreement mistake
passion
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 helping people
moreover
 your organization is better than others.
Therefore
, working in hospitalities
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 your
passions
Fix the agreement mistake
passion
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 to
helping
Wrong verb form
help
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 people even try harder to be a manager will be a better choice for you. Hope you find your
owned
Replace the word
own
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 place. Best regards David
Submitted by d11206 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to break down your ideas into separate paragraphs for better clarity. For example, you could have one paragraph explaining why your friend would not enjoy college, another explaining why a job would be beneficial, and a final paragraph suggesting suitable job types.
task achievement
Aim to use complex sentences and a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing. For example, instead of saying 'getting a job is easier,' you could say 'pursuing employment might present fewer challenges than returning to an academic setting.'
task achievement
You provided relevant reasons and bases for your arguments, which makes your letter convincing and trustworthy.
suitable writing tone
The tone of your letter is appropriately friendly and supportive, which is very suitable given that you are writing to a friend.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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