IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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A constant increase in the
population
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 of cities is a reason for the lack of outdoor spaces for those who live in homes. I believe it is a negative development because of the impact it causes on the environment and the decline in the amount of
resources
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 the country can provide. First of all, continuous growth in the number of residents in cities badly affects the state of the environment. The rising
population
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 requires more places to accommodate people,
following
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this
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 the figure of cars multiples too.
Furthermore
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,
as a result
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, the level of pollution starts to
augment
Verb problem
increase
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. Take
for example
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 countries with huge manufacturing factories like China, the level of contamination is significantly higher compared to other regions. The existence of cars and factories in nations with
also
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 huge numbers of residents
,
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apply
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 contributes to air pollution with their gas emissions.
Secondly
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, the country which struggles with overpopulation is not able to retain the same amount of
resources
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 to provide for people. If the number of people living in the city grows,
then
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resources
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 like work placement, schools for pupils, and hospitals should double too.
According to
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 a study of the overpopulated cities, one of the main problems for residents is the lack of places for children in schools. Some parents send their teenagers to a school
that is
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 40 minutes away from their home,
due to
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 the lack of places in the school
that is
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 nearby. In conclusion, in the long run, a growing
population
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 can affect the state of the city significantly. If the city is not trying to keep a balance between accessible
resources
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 and
population
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then
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 it imminently creates disbalance which leads to damaging the environment.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, consider using more varied linking words to further enhance the flow between ideas. Phrases such as 'in addition,' 'moreover,' or 'furthermore' can add to the coherence.
task achievement
To improve your task response, you may want to address counterarguments or provide more specific examples that further substantiate your points. This would demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic and add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but you could strengthen them by making them more specific. For instance, briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in your introduction can give the reader a clearer idea of what to expect.
general
Ensure that you proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Minor corrections could greatly improve the overall readability and professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure to your essay, with distinct paragraphs for each main point. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the situation in China and the issue with school placements, effectively supports your arguments. These specific instances make your essay more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban density
  • public transportation infrastructure
  • social interaction
  • community bonding
  • mental well-being
  • urban biodiversity
  • urban heat island effect
  • energy-efficient
  • affordable housing
  • cramped living conditions
  • innovative architecture
  • interior design
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • quality of life
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