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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, there has been increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh this disadvantages?

#countries #parents #children #home #school #education
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It is obvious that
home
 education is becoming more and more popular.
Therefore
, the rate of
parents
 choosing to give their
children
 an education at
home
 and not send them to
school
.
Whereas
this
 trend has some benefits, I believe that they will be outweighed by the drawbacks of a shortage
professional
Change preposition
of professional
show examples
knowledge
. Homeschooling brings about various advantages.
Initially
, it allows
parents
 to control and arrange the timetable of their child easily. Adults can grasp the child’s interest and future target, foster and support their passion.
Additionally
, studying at
home
 can help
children
 be more concentrated because of their parent’s control.
Therefore
, there would be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sympathy between
parents
 and
children
 that helps develop individual gifts and be more effective.
However
, if
parents
 cannot embrace the educational curriculum, they will have difficulties in educating
children
.
In addition
, they do not understand enough about academic lessons
due to
 the lack of specialized expertise.
That is
 the reason why
children
 often hard full absorb the lessons when they study at
home
.
Moreover
, adults have a shortage of professional
knowledge
 to explain to their
children
. A good example of
this
 is that my cousin who studied at
home
 in his secondary,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just knows about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic
knowledge
 and rarely approaches advanced exercises. Leading to adverse circumstances when
apply
Change the verb form
applying
show examples
 for high
school
. Another factor points that
children
 should go to
school
instead
 of homeschooling is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the new environment for them. During puberty, students should adjust to new and various habitats to prepare for future life. Studying in
school
 can improve their social skills and training mental via communicating with their friends and challenging a variety of exams. Taking everything into account, homeschooling helps
parents
easy to
Rephrase
easily
show examples
 control their
children
.
However
, because of the shortage of specialized expertise, they can cause a lack of
knowledge
 among students
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use clear transition words and phrases to link ideas together.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and concrete.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas to ensure they are fully developed. Provide more detail and explanation where necessary.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repetition of similar ideas and phrases. Ensure that each sentence and paragraph adds new information or a new perspective to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the overall argument.
Task Achievement
You present both advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
Task Achievement
The main points are fairly well-supported, though they could be elaborated further.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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