IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and the poorest members. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #differences #members
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In the modern era, groups of individuals believe the gap between
affluent
Correct article usage
the affluent
show examples
 and
below
Correct determiner usage
those below
show examples
 the poverty line should be minimal so that a joyful
society
Use synonyms
 can
be flourished
Wrong verb form
flourish
show examples
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. My essay will provide details with examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, equal distribution of wealth is an important aspect of economic stability. If the accumulation of wealth is in
hands
Correct article usage
the hands
show examples
 of fewer individuals
then
Linking Words
 there are chances of instability in
society
Use synonyms
 as the rich will take undue advantage of
weaker
Correct article usage
the weaker
show examples
 section of
society
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many reputed businessmen want to expand their
business
Use synonyms
 horizons
therefore
Linking Words
 their continued efforts to purchase more land for
business
Use synonyms
 expansion sometimes they to cheat low-income groups by forcefully taking their land at minimal cost.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is essential to bridge the gap between richer and
poor
Correct word choice
poorer
show examples
 sections and
authorites'
Correct your spelling
authorities'
 intervention is required so that underprivileged sections of
society
Use synonyms
 will not cheated by affluent persons. Even though some efforts are made to reduce the gap between two sections of
society
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, individuals believe that sometimes it is good for long-term
business
Use synonyms
 growth perspective.
For instance
Linking Words
, a report published in the corporate magazine
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 indicated that some shift in the thinking process of modern
business
Use synonyms
 as they are started dealing with corporate social responsibility and serving those who are in need through charity to non-government organizations.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the
business
Use synonyms
 world is taking important steps to help and safeguard the requirement of weaker
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they should continue with
this
Linking Words
 approach in future.
To conclude
Linking Words
, satisfaction in
society
Use synonyms
 can be achieved by reducing disparity in income groups. Small efforts should be incorporated to promote a helping hand to those who are in need so that everyone in
society
Use synonyms
 will be treated with respect and care.
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task achievement
To enhance your essay, provide more specific examples and additional supporting details for your main points. This will make your arguments more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability. Use a variety of cohesive devices to link your ideas effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant points and examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively provide an opening and a closing to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally good, with each paragraph focusing on a specific idea related to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • distribution of wealth
  • social cohesion
  • social unrest
  • crime rates
  • economic equality
  • overall well-being
  • health outcomes
  • education outcomes
  • motivation
  • innovation
  • equal opportunities
  • wealth redistribution
  • economic growth
  • productivity
What to do next:
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