Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Health
problems
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
one of the
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
problems
of every
coutries
Correct your spelling
country
. Many
people
believe that governments should concentrate on tackling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
and domestic
problems
.
This
essay will show
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
to
subtantiate
Correct your spelling
substantiate
this
statement.
To begin
with, environmental
pollution
is considered the main reason
causes
Correct pronoun usage
that causes
show examples
health
problems
in humans. Many
disease
Change the noun form
diseases
show examples
such
as respiratory diseases and dermatological diseases are rendered by air and water
pollution
. Admittedly, governments can effectively deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues. If they enforce more laws on protecting the habitat, green space will improve the
health
situations of citizens. A good example of
this
is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the areas
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
garbages
Change the verb form
garbage
show examples
are float
Wrong verb form
floats
show examples
in the river, so the water sources are polluted.
That is
why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families that use water to cook and drink
anre
Correct your spelling
are
suffer from cancer.
On the other hand
, there is a crisis in
this
subject which
people
nowadays are struggling to find a house.
Thus
people
pay for flats and
this
has a
detrmental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
effect on local's daily
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
noise
pollution
.
Furthermore
,
this
creates limited space for
people
who live here and makes the locals feel
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
. Because of that, land
problems
should be strictly controlled. In conclusion, to promote the well-being of the public, governments should create and implement comprehensive policies that
priortize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
people
's
health
.

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task response
The introduction provides a clear context and presents the main argument, but there is a minor issue with grammar and spelling that can distract from the meaning. Pay attention to spelling and grammar errors such as "noticable" (noticeable) and "coutries" (countries).
task response
The main points in the body paragraphs are relevant but need more development and support. More specific examples and detailed explanations would strengthen your argument. For example, you could provide statistical data or studies that support your claims about pollution and housing problems.
task response
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task. While it discusses pollution and housing problems, it should also explain more thoroughly how these factors relate to preventing illness and disease.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you need to improve the transitions between paragraphs. Use transition words to link ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points but should also reinforce how focusing on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems can prevent illness and disease, to make a more robust closing argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should maintain a consistent point of view. In the second body paragraph, it’s not entirely clear whether the focus is on housing problems or noise pollution. Clarify the main point of each paragraph and ensure it directly supports your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your main argument.
task response
You have relevant main points related to environmental pollution and housing problems which are important aspects of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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