IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
problems
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 of every
coutries
Correct your spelling
country
. Many
people
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 believe that governments should concentrate on tackling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 and domestic
problems
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will show
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
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 to
subtantiate
Correct your spelling
substantiate
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, environmental
pollution
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 is considered the main reason
causes
Correct pronoun usage
that causes
show examples
health
Use synonyms
problems
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 in humans. Many
disease
Change the noun form
diseases
show examples
such
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 as respiratory diseases and dermatological diseases are rendered by air and water
pollution
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. Admittedly, governments can effectively deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues. If they enforce more laws on protecting the habitat, green space will improve the
health
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 situations of citizens. A good example of
this
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 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the areas
which
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in which
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garbages
Change the verb form
garbage
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are float
Wrong verb form
floats
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 in the river, so the water sources are polluted.
That is
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 why
the
Correct article usage
apply
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families that use water to cook and drink
anre
Correct your spelling
are
 suffer from cancer.
On the other hand
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, there is a crisis in
this
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 subject which
people
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 nowadays are struggling to find a house.
Thus
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people
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 pay for flats and
this
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 has a
detrmental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 effect on local's daily
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 noise
pollution
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
 creates limited space for
people
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 who live here and makes the locals feel
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
. Because of that, land
problems
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 should be strictly controlled. In conclusion, to promote the well-being of the public, governments should create and implement comprehensive policies that
priortize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
.

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task response
The introduction provides a clear context and presents the main argument, but there is a minor issue with grammar and spelling that can distract from the meaning. Pay attention to spelling and grammar errors such as "noticable" (noticeable) and "coutries" (countries).
task response
The main points in the body paragraphs are relevant but need more development and support. More specific examples and detailed explanations would strengthen your argument. For example, you could provide statistical data or studies that support your claims about pollution and housing problems.
task response
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task. While it discusses pollution and housing problems, it should also explain more thoroughly how these factors relate to preventing illness and disease.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you need to improve the transitions between paragraphs. Use transition words to link ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points but should also reinforce how focusing on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems can prevent illness and disease, to make a more robust closing argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should maintain a consistent point of view. In the second body paragraph, it’s not entirely clear whether the focus is on housing problems or noise pollution. Clarify the main point of each paragraph and ensure it directly supports your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your main argument.
task response
You have relevant main points related to environmental pollution and housing problems which are important aspects of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental pollution
  • Public health
  • Respiratory diseases
  • Cardiovascular conditions
  • Infectious diseases
  • Mental health problems
  • Government intervention
  • Industrial emissions
  • Clean energy sources
  • Public housing policies
  • Safe and affordable housing
  • Environmental hazards
  • Green public spaces
  • Community well-being
  • Physical inactivity
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