Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Health
problems
is
one of the Change the verb form
are
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
problems
of every coutries
. Many Correct your spelling
country
people
believe that governments should concentrate on tackling the
Correct article usage
apply
pollution
and domestic problems
. This
essay will show evidences
to Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
subtantiate
Correct your spelling
substantiate
this
statement.
To begin
with, environmental pollution
is considered the main reason causes
Correct pronoun usage
that causes
health
problems
in humans. Many disease
Change the noun form
diseases
such
as respiratory diseases and dermatological diseases are rendered by air and water pollution
. Admittedly, governments can effectively deal with the
environmental issues. If they enforce more laws on protecting the habitat, green space will improve the Correct article usage
apply
health
situations of citizens. A good example of this
is that
the areas Correct word choice
apply
which
Change preposition
in which
garbages
Change the verb form
garbage
are float
in the river, so the water sources are polluted. Wrong verb form
floats
That is
why the
families that use water to cook and drink Correct article usage
apply
anre
suffer from cancer.
Correct your spelling
are
On the other hand
, there is a crisis in this
subject which people
nowadays are struggling to find a house. Thus
people
pay for flats and this
has a detrmental
effect on local's daily Correct your spelling
detrimental
live
Replace the word
lives
because
noise Add the preposition
because of
pollution
. Furthermore
, this
creates limited space for people
who live here and makes the locals feel stress
. Because of that, land Wrong verb form
stressed
problems
should be strictly controlled.
In conclusion, to promote the well-being of the public, governments should create and implement comprehensive policies that priortize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
people
's health
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task response
The introduction provides a clear context and presents the main argument, but there is a minor issue with grammar and spelling that can distract from the meaning. Pay attention to spelling and grammar errors such as "noticable" (noticeable) and "coutries" (countries).
task response
The main points in the body paragraphs are relevant but need more development and support. More specific examples and detailed explanations would strengthen your argument. For example, you could provide statistical data or studies that support your claims about pollution and housing problems.
task response
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task. While it discusses pollution and housing problems, it should also explain more thoroughly how these factors relate to preventing illness and disease.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you need to improve the transitions between paragraphs. Use transition words to link ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points but should also reinforce how focusing on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems can prevent illness and disease, to make a more robust closing argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should maintain a consistent point of view. In the second body paragraph, it’s not entirely clear whether the focus is on housing problems or noise pollution. Clarify the main point of each paragraph and ensure it directly supports your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your main argument.
task response
You have relevant main points related to environmental pollution and housing problems which are important aspects of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?