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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Write about the following topic. Buying things online on the internet such as boo, air tickets and groceries is s becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages.

#topic #internet #air #tickets #groceries
In today's contemporary era, purchasing items
such
 as books, plane tickets and groceries online is gaining more popularity. In my point of view, the advantages of
this
 phenomenon
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages as it provides us
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 freedom
of buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
products
 anywhere, anytime.
Firstly
, technology is progressing in leaps and bounds. With the help of phone and internet, people are able to buy items of their choice at their convenience.
Also
, they have plenty of choices to choose
and
Change preposition
from and
show examples
 make informed choices with the help of
review
Fix the agreement mistake
reviews
show examples
 from people who have purchased certain
products
.
For example
, the Amazon website compares the
products
 that we chose from other
products
 and recommends us the best options based on
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
review
Correct subject-verb agreement
reviews
show examples
.
In addition
, online shopping
also
 gives us the flexibility to return or exchange the
products
 if, we are unsatisfied with the quality of the items purchased.
Secondly
, we have access to
products
 that are produced in other parts of the country,
such
 as cheese from Italy,
coffee
Correct word choice
and coffee
show examples
 from Brazil can be exported to India within
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 days if we place orders online.
This
 helps business owners connect to customers who
resides
Correct subject-verb agreement
reside
show examples
 in other countries. Another advantage is booking
ticketes
Correct your spelling
tickets
 through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online apps and other travel websites. To exemplify, booking a flight ticket has become easier than before as it offers multiple benefits
such
 as choosing the preference of food, seats and online
checkin
Correct your spelling
check-in
.
This
 saves
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of time at the airport. There is no need to wait in long queues to check in our baggage if we choose to do it online.
Overall
, online shopping and online ticket booking
has
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have
show examples
 become a boon for citizens and they prefer online shopping
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 numerous advantages
such
 as convenience and flexibility compared to traditional shopping
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
.
Submitted by u.umayal92 on

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task achievement
Clarify your main points and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. Make sure the advantages clearly outweigh the disadvantages as suggested in the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking words and phrases to improve the fluency of your writing. Transitions between points should be smoother.
task achievement
Elaborate on some points with more specific examples. For instance, provide details on how online shopping can sometimes lead to issues like receiving damaged goods.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to the essay, with clear paragraphs for different aspects of online shopping.
task achievement
Good use of technology-based examples such as comparing Amazon recommendations and online booking benefits.
coherence cohesion
Includes a conclusion that summarizes the argument well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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