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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their fruit and vegetable. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #parks #spaces #gardens #residents #fruit #vegetable
Recent readers indicate that amenities for social demand
such
 as parks are replaced by gardens that are used for plants in urban areas.
This
 writer believes that the advantages of
this
 change cannot outweigh the negative side. The following essay will advocate
this
 standpoint. It is no exaggeration to say that open spaces are part of residential areas because they serve people’s demands. Public parks and squares are utilized for exercising and entertaining. Evidently, inhabitants tend to live in complex destinations
such
 as Van Phuc City which provides excellent infrastructure and welfare. Public service makes life easier and more convenient.
Therefore
, public parks in local areas should not be changed. Moving onto the disadvantageous side of
this
 innovation, gardens do not have any long-term benefits. The new growing places may encourage people to attend outdoor activities and maintain a healthy lifestyle.
This
 strategy has the ambition of enhancing community cohesion or building a friendly environment for residents.
However
, reality shows many negative points that should be tackled. Fertilizers in planting are toxic to the surroundings and harm inhabitants’ health.
Otherwise
, the hustle and bustle lifestyle makes people pay less attention to growing fruit and vegetables. Taking everything into account,
due to
 the advantages of new gardens in cities, it cannot be denied that open spaces are more suitable with the citizens.
Hence
, the positive impact does not outweigh the obstacles.
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task response
Ensure you stay on topic throughout the essay. While you mentioned relevant points, the essay sometimes deviates slightly from the main focus.
task response
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your points. For example, instead of repeatedly saying 'public parks and squares,' you could use synonyms or rephrased expressions.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly from one sentence or paragraph to another.
task response
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding more transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph flows well into the next.
introduction and conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively introduce and summarize the topic.
supported main points
You have made an effort to support your main points with explanations and reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community engagement
  • Social bonds
  • Sense of belonging
  • Physical exercise
  • Stress reduction
  • Fresh produce
  • Healthier lifestyles
  • Local biodiversity
  • Urban environment
  • Carbon footprint
  • Educational opportunities
  • Agriculture
  • Nutrition
  • Sustainability
  • Eco-friendly practices
  • Household grocery costs
  • Surplus produce
  • Economic boost
What to do next:
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