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Band 5.5

The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.

The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.
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Containing in the bar chart is information pertaining to the ratio of people attending three types of music
events
Use synonyms
 during 2006 in Australia. The units are shown in the
rate
Use synonyms
 per event.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of participation
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 pop
events
Use synonyms
 is higher than
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 others with the exception of people aged 45-45 and over 55.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the presence percentage in
opera
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 dominated classical
events
Use synonyms
 in all
age
Use synonyms
 brackets. Turning to the popular
events
Use synonyms
, which experienced a fluctuation and reached the highest point at 38% in the range of
age
Use synonyms
 from 15 to 24 years old.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the ratio of appearance for pop music in ages 25-34 and 35-44 is relatively high, with 27% and 33% respectively. The 45-54 and over 55
age
Use synonyms
 group recorded 13% and 5% for the
rate
Use synonyms
 of joining pop
events
Use synonyms
. Moving onto classical and
opera
Use synonyms
 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of participants, it can be seen that there was a fluctuation from the
age
Use synonyms
 15 to over 55. The 15-24 and 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 groups were similar with 11 and 13 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the 15-24
age
Use synonyms
 group, and 8 and 14 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 range respectively. The
rate
Use synonyms
 of classical attendance in 35-44 ages is 11%, which was over doubled by
opera
Use synonyms
 at 25% making it the biggest difference. In the ages of 45-54 and over 55, the figure for
opera
Use synonyms
events
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 remained the same at 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 classical recorded 10% and 8% order.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words events, rate, opera, age, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance patterns
  • age demographics
  • teenagers
  • young adults
  • middle-aged individuals
  • senior citizens
  • varies
  • preferences
  • interpret
  • type of music events
  • concerts
  • festivals
  • classical music events
  • insightful
  • popular
  • cultural influences
  • social trends
  • lifestyle choices
  • affect
  • rates
  • economic factors
  • accessibility
  • cost of tickets
  • income levels
  • comparison
  • recreational activities
  • forms of entertainment
  • noting trends
  • deviations
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