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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006

the bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006
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The given bar chart compares the proportion of different ages of people who participated in
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 during 2006. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be seen that classical
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 had the less participants
in
Change preposition
of
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 almost any
age
Use synonyms
, with the exception of the
age
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group
Use synonyms
 over 55.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 15-24, 25-44 and 35-44 had the most participants in popular
music
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events
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during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2006 in
Australia
Use synonyms
. As can be obviously seen from the chart, the difference between the rate of people who attended popular
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 with other types
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 gradually less significant throughout the ages. In reference to the
age
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 from 15 to 24, there were exactly 38%, 13% and 11% of participants in popular
type
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,
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opera
Add a hyphen
opera-type
show examples
type
Use synonyms
 and classical
type
Use synonyms
 in 2006, correspondingly.
While
Linking Words
, with the
age
Use synonyms
 25-34, 27%, 14% and 8% of people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
took part in popular
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
,
opera
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music
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events
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 and classical
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 in the year 2006
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
, individually. The figures were nearly similar in reference to participation rates for popular
type
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,
Use synonyms
opera
Add a hyphen
opera-type
show examples
type
Use synonyms
 and classical
type
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 35-44, with about 33%, 25% and 11% in popular
opera
Use synonyms
 and classical
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 during 2006.
Opera
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 was the
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 event among those aged 45-54 and over 55, with both groups accounting for 15% of attendees.
In contrast
Linking Words
, classical
music
Use synonyms
 had a smaller share of 10% and 8% for these
age
Use synonyms
 brackets, respectively. The oldest
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 showed the lowest participation in popular
music
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
, with only 5% participation,
while
Linking Words
 13% of individuals aged 45-54 engaged in
this
Linking Words
 activity.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, events, australia, age, group, type, opera with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance patterns
  • age demographics
  • teenagers
  • young adults
  • middle-aged individuals
  • senior citizens
  • varies
  • preferences
  • interpret
  • type of music events
  • concerts
  • festivals
  • classical music events
  • insightful
  • popular
  • cultural influences
  • social trends
  • lifestyle choices
  • affect
  • rates
  • economic factors
  • accessibility
  • cost of tickets
  • income levels
  • comparison
  • recreational activities
  • forms of entertainment
  • noting trends
  • deviations
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