IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disavantages ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In several urban areas,
gardens
Use synonyms
 where local citizens can grow their own vegetables and fruit are replacing other public places
such
Linking Words
 as open spaces and parks.
This
Linking Words
 writer
argue
Change the verb form
argues
show examples
 that the fears outweigh the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
. It is vital to understand that nowadays planting fruit
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high number of
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 or pesticides. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, if there are many public
gardens
Use synonyms
, people will consume more
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 to grow their plants.
However
Linking Words
, almost all kinds of
fertilizer
Fix the agreement mistake
fertilizers
show examples
 and
pesticide
Fix the agreement mistake
pesticides
show examples
content
Replace the word
contain
show examples
 a lot of chemical substances harming
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the environment, especially dirt and water.
Hence
Linking Words
, building
gardens
Use synonyms
 to plant fruit and vegetables can lead to overusing
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 and cause environmental pollution.
Besides
Linking Words
, public
gardens
Use synonyms
 are very hard to manage since there are lots of residents who
growing
Change the form of the verb
grow
show examples
 their plants in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 places. If
this
Linking Words
 problem is not completely addressed, it will cause some profound consequences
such
Linking Words
 as the argument between citizens and throwing litter.
This
Linking Words
 thing can influence negatively the improvement of society or even a nation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, creating more public
garden
Fix the agreement mistake
gardens
show examples
 can bring some advantages. One of them is encouraging consuming
healthy
Change the word
healthily
show examples
. Today, more and more frozen or canning refreshments appear,
Linking Words
due
Correct word choice
and due
show examples
 to their convenience, people are overlooking
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of fresh products. Growing
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
 in public
gardens
Use synonyms
 can reinforce habits
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 using healthy food among each individual. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 replacing public parks and open spaces with public
gardens
Use synonyms
 can have some benefits,
this
Linking Words
 essay still believes that the fears of
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 and obstacles in management outweigh the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of encouraging using healthy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This helps to provide a roadmap for your reader.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention a city where community gardens have significantly impacted the residents' lifestyle or describe specific incidents of conflicts arising due to management issues.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy, especially with subject-verb agreement and prepositions. For instance, 'this writer argue' should be 'this writer argues,' and 'in other word' should be 'in other words.'
coherence cohesion
Work on making your arguments more balanced. While it's good to present both sides, the essay should convincingly support your viewpoint with stronger evidence and reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which reinforces the overall structure of your writing.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced viewpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: