in some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
There
are
a Correct subject-verb agreement
is
repurpose
from public spaces to public gardens by the government for residential. From Wrong verb form
repurposed
this
writer’s perspective, the raise
of awareness Correct your spelling
rise
Change preposition
of
in
healthy agricultural Change preposition
of
products
and community activities can outweigh the harder management.
It must be recognized that awareness of healthy fruit
is a crucial problem in most urban Fix the agreement mistake
fruits
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
can
Correct word choice
and can
effect
agricultural Correct your spelling
affect
products
by various chemical
to foster the growth Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
up
of fruits or vegetables. Change preposition
apply
As a result
, the chemical effect
Correct your spelling
affect
Correct article usage
the human’s
human’s
body in Change noun form
human
a
adverse way when they consume those Change the article
an
products
. It can be easier to con troll
the agricultural product quality when they grow it by themselves rather than merely buy Wrong verb form
control
them
in a market. Correct pronoun usage
it
For example
, people
in urban areas can reduce the rate of problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
cause
by food from 78% to just under a quarter by Change the form of the verb
caused
grow
their own fruits and vegetables.
Change the verb form
growing
Additionally
, when resident
have a public field, it can increase community activities. Fix the agreement mistake
residents
People
can communicate easier when they take part in the same activity, because they have the same topic to do, and they can share their experience with others. It is a good way to connect people
in the same are
together and Correct your spelling
area
give
them a chance to know more about their Change the verb form
gives
neighbors
, Change the spelling
neighbours
prevent
Correct word choice
and prevent
the
conflicts in society.
Correct article usage
apply
By contrast
, a new style of public spaces mean
it is harder for Change the verb form
means
monitor
to manage it. Because of the Fix the agreement mistake
monitors
sharing
garden space, Replace the word
shared
monitor
cannot prevent Fix the agreement mistake
monitors
thief
and litter if they are the Fix the agreement mistake
thieves
resident
in that area. Fix the agreement mistake
residents
Also
, the resident ought to share their own growth area, they may not know if their neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
steal
something from their Change the verb form
steals
separated
patio. Replace the word
separate
However
, the monitor can use a number of modern equipment to manage the garden such
as camera
, Correct article usage
a camera
people
can check it when they realize that they Correct word choice
so people
lose
something.
In conclusion, the lack of management is outweighed by the Wrong verb form
have lost
raise
of awareness about agricultural Correct your spelling
rise
products
and increase
of community activities. Correct article usage
the increase
Hence
, repurpose
Wrong verb form
repurposing
the
public parks and open spaces Correct article usage
apply
by
public gardens is a good way for residential advantages.Change preposition
with
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task response
The introduction needs to more clearly state the specific advantages and disadvantages to create a balanced view from the start.
task response
Consider providing more detailed explanations and examples to fully develop the main points.
coherence
Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using transitional phrases can help with this.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and develops it fully before moving to the next point.
cohesion
Work on providing a more impactful conclusion summarizing the advantages and disadvantages more clearly.
task response
The essay addresses the topic, acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages of converting public spaces into gardens.
task response
The language used is generally clear with a good range of vocabulary applied effectively.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to provide a structured essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.