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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows attendance of people in difference ages in music events in Australia in 2006

The bar chart shows attendance of people in difference ages in music events in Australia in 2006
The given bar chart illustrates the percentages of participants in various ages of music
events
Use synonyms
 in 2006 in Australia, measured in percentage(%).
Overall
Linking Words
, the amount of people
attended in
Wrong verb form
attending
show examples
 popular
events
Use synonyms
exist
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the highest and classical
events
Use synonyms
exist
Verb problem
are
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 the lowest. With the exception of
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 45-54 and
age
Use synonyms
 55+.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the trend of classical
events
Use synonyms
 was similar with the range from 8% to 11% during the period. Looking at the figures of individuals
participate
Correct pronoun usage
who participate
show examples
 in popular
events
Use synonyms
, where the percentage had
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a peak at 38% at
age
Use synonyms
 15-24, which
followed
Add a missing verb
was followed
show examples
 by 33% at
age
Use synonyms
 35-44 and 27% at
age
Use synonyms
 25-34. With the exception of
age
Use synonyms
 45-54 and
age
Use synonyms
 55+, where opera
events
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the most popular about 13% and 5% respectively. Turning to the amount of attendance for classical, the people
Correct pronoun usage
who attend
show examples
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 was stable in all ages
range
Wrong verb form
ranging
show examples
 from 8% to 10%. Likely , the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 opera
events
Use synonyms
 was similar about 15% for both 45-54 and 55+ ages, where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opera
events
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the most popular during 2006.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage for
opera’s
Change noun form
opera
show examples
 attendance at
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 15-24, 25-34 and 35-44 stood at 13%, 14% and 25% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words events, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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