IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #parks #spaces #gardens #residents #fruit #vegetables #outweigh
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In many urban areas, open spaces and public parks are being repurposed into gardens so that local
people
 can use them to plant their own
vegetables
 and fruit.
This
 writer is of the opinion that
self-product
Correct your spelling
self-producing
show examples
 and
connect
Wrong verb form
connecting
show examples
people
 together outweigh any drawbacks
such
 as
waste
Replace the word
wasting
show examples
 time and less land for
people
’s daily activities. It is vital to understand that
people
 still
now buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 food and
vegetables
 outside and have concerns about
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 safety.
This
 is because most of the
vegetables
 and fruits nowadays
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 filled with pesticides or
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 genetically modified. With
this
 new plan, residents can grow it in gardens, take care
it
Change preposition
of it
show examples
 by themselves and enjoy their achievements.
As a result
,
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of food to consume can be increased because did not use any pesticides or fertilizers that
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
toxic
Replace the word
toxins
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the environment.
Hence
, removing the doubts from consumers to create a healthy habit.
However
, many
people
 think that
this
 is unnecessary as
people
 find
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 products in many supermarkets around the world. They believe that because the
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 fruit and
vegetables
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 in places where
examination
Fix the agreement mistake
examinations
show examples
 take place before entering the supermarket,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 free space needs to be used for citizens
will
Correct pronoun usage
who will
show examples
 lose their
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
 to do exercises or rest.
This
 is a valid point but through planting grocery products, the community can create a strong sense of unity through how to grow fruit,
avoid
Correct word choice
and avoid
show examples
phenomenon
Add an article
the phenomenon
show examples
 that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not know anything about agriculture skills.
Consequently
,
this
foster
Change the verb form
fosters
show examples
 the
people
 connecting to each other and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 youngsters learn agriculture knowledge. Taking everything into account,
replace
Wrong verb form
replacing
show examples
 public parks
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 gardens can help civilians a lot in saving money,
comprehend
Wrong verb form
comprehending
show examples
 new knowledge and
also
link
Wrong verb form
linking
show examples
 citizens together. It is true that drawbacks can harm our life but if we know utilize all the benefits of
this
 plan.
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task achievement
Ensure that every main point is developed fully with clear examples and explanations. This will help to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of your essay. Better use of linking words and phrases can improve coherence.
general
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and comprehension. Simple mistakes can hinder the overall effectiveness of your writing.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach and critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses a relevant and contemporary issue, showing an understanding of community needs and concerns.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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