IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In some cities public parks and open space are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #parks #space #gardens #residents #fruit #vegetables
In modern times, some parks and open spaces are going to be turned into public
gardens
 where
people
 in the same area can plant their desired kinds of greens and fruits. From my point of view, I am convinced that
this
 is a positive trend and its advantages surpass its downsides.
This
 essay will illustrate the reasons why I support
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 statement. There are several reasons why I think that
This
 development has more advantages than disadvantages. The main advantage is that
this
 provides
people
 with a clean and sustainable source of
vegetables
, contributing greatly to their healthy lifestyle
as well as
 bringing them economic benefits. Not only can city dwellers enjoy healthy organic food, but they can
also
 save a large amount of money because buying green
vegetables
 at the market is no longer necessary.
In addition
, the establishment of these public
gardens
 will help
people
's relationships become closer, creating many beautiful memories together. In short, the benefits of the above idea are an idea that has many positive points and improves many aspects of today's busy life.
Nevertheless
, it is undeniable that having agricultural sites in big cities brings about some inconvenience. The most significant drawback is that the
overall
 appearance of the city, which is considered a modern and spotless place, will be spoiled as gardening activities are quite dirty.
For example
, there will be dirt and mud on the street as
people
 enter and leave the
gardens
 or harvest their
vegetables
.
Additionally
,
vegetables
 do not provide the tranquillity and calm atmosphere that parks with a variety of trees have. In conclusion, it is true that replacing public parks with
gardens
 has some disadvantages.
However
, I think the benefits of
this
 trend will be more in terms of improving health and saving money.
In particular
, it
also
 makes the relationship of each person in the same area better and creates a friendly city.
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task achievement
Your essay is generally well-organized, but it can benefit from more specific examples that support your points. Try adding one or two practical scenarios or real-life cases that demonstrate the benefits and drawbacks you discuss.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure flows well, but some sentences could be rephrased for variety and clarity. For example, instead of repeating "The main advantage," you might say, "One significant benefit.","
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are clear, your sentences can be more concise. Reducing wordiness will make your statements clearer and more impactful.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined, which helps frame your arguments effectively.
logical structure
Your main points are clearly stated, and you maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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