IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In an ever-progressive society, gardens are being constructed to replace unoccupied areas and parks for the public in some metropolitans in order to assist local citizens
to grow
Change preposition
in growing
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 herbs and fruit. The writer believes that the benefits of raising
awareness
Use synonyms
 of healthy berries and herbs and connecting individuals
by
Change preposition
through
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 community activities outweigh the drawbacks. There are several advantageous points of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon , one of them is that it may enhance people’s ability of
awareness
Use synonyms
 of organic
vegetables
Use synonyms
 for health. It should be acknowledged that residents consuming fresh and cleaned berries and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 may live longer than others
due to
Linking Words
 improvement in both mental and physical health.
Consequently
Linking Words
, inhabitants have a propensity to recognize and promote the manufacture of these organic
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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.
For example
Linking Words
, European nations have accomplished numerous plans for growing fresh and healthy
vegetables
Use synonyms
 and fruit in public places which have a positive impact on citizen’s recognition.
Thus
Linking Words
 , it is beneficial to have some gardens in community zones to develop
awareness
Use synonyms
 of healthy products. Another advantageous point worth considering is that public events can link various strange individuals and foster a sense of community. It must be understood that social activities
such
Linking Words
 as gardening may provide complicated tasks requiring teamwork skills that residents undergo to get on well with others and make relationships
become
Verb problem
apply
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stronger.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
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 the USA, where public activities like planting and growing plantations were encouraged to create more opportunities to associate with other citizens.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development plays a fundamental role in connecting distinctive people together. In conclusion , the adverse effects are outweighed by the beneficial factors linking different residents and boosting
awareness
Use synonyms
 of organic fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , local authorities should not only provide more spaces for gardens
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 funding in these areas to produce more and more organic commodities.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction to make the writer's stance more explicitly clear. Although the thesis statement mentions the benefits outweighing the drawbacks, it could be more specific about the areas that will be discussed in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Some of the points in the body of the essay are not fully developed. For example, while it is mentioned that gardens help improve health and connect individuals, these points need more expansion and specific examples or data to back them up strongly.
coherence cohesion
Transition words could be used more effectively to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Words like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' 'in addition,' and 'on the other hand' can guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph focuses tightly on one main idea and develop it thoroughly before moving on to the next. This will help your essay maintain clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argumentation effectively.
task achievement
You have identified and explained some potential advantages of converting parks into gardens, which demonstrates your ability to analyze different aspects of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban Agriculture
  • Community Engagement
  • Social Interaction
  • Physical Exercise
  • Mental Relaxation
  • Fresh Produce
  • Sustainability
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon Footprint
  • Air Quality
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Horticulture
  • Teamwork
  • Sustainable Living
  • Food Security
  • Locally-grown
  • Nutritious
  • Neighborhood Bonds
  • Urban Sustainability
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