IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.

The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.
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The chart demonstrates information about individuals attending
in
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apply
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three types of
music
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events
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 in Australia during 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the figures for popular
music
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 are always the highest in all
age
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groups
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 except for the
two
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 oldest
groups
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of
two
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age
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groups
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 45 to 54 and over 55
years
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 old is less considerable than any other. Looking at the three youngest
age
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 brackets for
further
Linking Words
 details, popular
music
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 always accounts for the biggest percentage with 38%, 27% and 33% for 15 to 24
years
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 old, 25 to 24 and 35 to 44
groups
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 respectively. As for the group of
age
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 with 35 to 44
years
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 old people, it had the highest proportion of people attending
in
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apply
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opera
music
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events
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 with 25%
while
Linking Words
 the
two
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 youngest
age
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 ranges carry that
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 at around 13%. In regard to classical
music
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,
three
Correct article usage
the three
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 mentioned group range from 8% to 11%, with
15
Correct article usage
the 15
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 to 24
years
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 old and 35 to 44
years
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 old group
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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similar at 11% Turning to the remaining statistic, where the figures are less noticeable. Individuals attending
in
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apply
show examples
opera
music
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events
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 are the greatest in both remaining
groups
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 with 15%
similarly
Linking Words
. The proportion for classical
music
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events
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 logs around 8%
whereas
Linking Words
 that for popular is relatively different between the
two
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 oldest
age
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groups
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, 13% is for the second oldest
age
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 bracket and 5% is for the oldest.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, events, age, groups, two, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance patterns
  • age demographics
  • teenagers
  • young adults
  • middle-aged individuals
  • senior citizens
  • varies
  • preferences
  • interpret
  • type of music events
  • concerts
  • festivals
  • classical music events
  • insightful
  • popular
  • cultural influences
  • social trends
  • lifestyle choices
  • affect
  • rates
  • economic factors
  • accessibility
  • cost of tickets
  • income levels
  • comparison
  • recreational activities
  • forms of entertainment
  • noting trends
  • deviations
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