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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words.

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words.
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The table displays social and
economics
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economic
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 factors in
Canada
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,
Japan
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, Peru, and Zair in the year 1994 based on United Nations figures.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Japan
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 had the highest annual income, and
Zaire
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 had the lowest
rate
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.
Japan
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also
Linking Words
 had the highest life expectancy at birth and
Zaire
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 had the lowest.
While
Linking Words
Canada
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 had the highest daily calorie consumption per person,
Zaire
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 recorded the lowest number.
However
Linking Words
,
Canada
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 and
Japan
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 had the same ratio of adult literacy and
Zaire
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 had the lowest. The annual income per person was the highest in
Japan
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of
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at
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 15760 US dollars,
while
Linking Words
 was the lowest in
Zaire
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of
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at
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 130 US dollars.
Canada
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 and
Japan
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 had almost the same ratio of life expectancy at 76, and 78, respectively.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Zaire
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 had the low
rate
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 at 47.
However
Linking Words
, the daily calorie consumption was high in
Canada
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 at 3326 per person, and
Zaire
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 had the lowest portion of 1749. In
Japan
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 and
Canada
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, the adult literacy
rate
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 was the same
of
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at
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 99%,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
Zaire
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 had the lowest
rate
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of
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at
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 34%. Peru had come in the middle between all three countries in different categories.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, japan, zaire, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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