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Band 4.5

The bar chart shows attendances of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.

The bar chart shows attendances of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.
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Contained in the bar chart is data pertaining to how many Australian populations attended three types of tune
events
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 during 2006. The data is measured in percentages.
Overall
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, it can be seen that all the
age
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 ranges did not like to go to classical
music
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events
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 the most, except for people aged 55 and above.
Additionally
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, popular
music
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events
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 were attractive the most to people from 15 to 24 years old,
while
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 the opposite was true for
this
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music
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 genre in the
age
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 group of more than 55.
To begin
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 with, individuals aged 15-44, witnessed a similar pattern for every kind of melody event. Specifically, rap
events
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 relating to the category of popular took off the lead of 38% for the 15-24 community, 27% for those 25-34 and around a third for those aged 35-44. These were followed by the rate of individuals attending opera
music
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events
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, which accounted for 13%, 14% and a quarter respectively. Regarding the remaining genre, classical, there was a similarity in the figure for the
age
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 group of 15-24, which both comprised more than a tenth,
while
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 only 8% of the audience between 25 and 34 went to singing
events
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 of
this
Linking Words
 genre. Turning to the remainder, opera was the most popular type of
music
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 for the population aged more than 45, which attracted 15% of Australian attendance. Meanwhile, classical
music
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events
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 gained the least interest in those ones 45-54 with a tenth, and the same was seen in popular
music
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events
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 in the
age
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 range of 55 and above with 5%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words events, age, music with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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