Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children?
This
days children spend more Correct determiner usage
These
time
watching TV than before, which lead
to less outdoor Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
activity
and move
.I believe it is a bad thing to let the child stay for a long Wrong verb form
moving
time
without any activity
because it will have negative
Add an article
a negative
affect
on their mental and Correct your spelling
effect
phisyical
health.In Correct your spelling
physical
this
essay, I will explain the reason for this
matter and how to encourage juvenails
Correct your spelling
juveniles
juvenile
increased
Change the verb form
to increase
thier
level of Correct your spelling
their
activites
.
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
To begin
with, kids in the past used to play outside with their sibling and their neighbor
kids as a way to Change the spelling
neighbour
had
fun and form Wrong verb form
have
friendship
that Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
last
for a life
Correct your spelling
lifetime
time
. However
, every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
change
with Change the verb form
changes
technolgy
, which Correct your spelling
technology
make
children spend less Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
time
outside the home and stay
Verb problem
spend
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
time
in front of the television. Thus
, juveniles become less active and lazy.
For instance
, I used to play as kid
Add an article
a kid
on
the park near my home, Change preposition
in
its
was full of life and fun to be there, but nowadays the park Change the pronoun
it
became
empty in Wrong verb form
has become
daytime
.
Correct article usage
the daytime
On the other hand
, it is important to find solutions for this
problem casue
Correct your spelling
because
its
will affect the Change the pronoun
it
kids
well-being in the long Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
ran
. Replace the word
run
Firstly
, it is up to the parent to control the hours that their offspring spend it
watching TV and give them alternative Correct pronoun usage
apply
activity
like walking. Fix the agreement mistake
activities
For example
, my mother told me I had only two hours to watch the televison
a day. Correct your spelling
television
Moreover
, encourage
me to go for a walk or to go to the market to buy Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
grocery
for her. As Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
result
, after a Correct article usage
a result
while
I was doing more outdoor Add a comma
while,
activity
by Fix the agreement mistake
activities
my self
without the need Correct your spelling
myself
of
my parent advice and its Change preposition
for
became
part of my daily Wrong verb form
become
routin
Correct your spelling
routine
till
Change preposition
to
this
day.
In conclusion, I believe the solution of
Change preposition
to
this
problem lays
in the hands of the parents to have a say Replace the word
lies
on
their Change preposition
in
offspring
daily Change noun form
offspring's
activity
. It is their duty to till to Fix the agreement mistake
activities
moniter
the Correct your spelling
monitor
times
a child Fix the agreement mistake
time
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
on
front of a screen and Change preposition
in
advice
she or Replace the word
advise
he
Correct pronoun usage
him
do
something Fix the infinitive
to do
outsid
.Correct your spelling
outside
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coherence cohesion
You should work on providing a more structured format with clear paragraphs addressing specific points, such as reasons for increased TV watching and measures to combat it. This will assist in achieving a more coherent argument.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Be cautious about grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. They sometimes impede the flow of your essay and lower the quality of your writing.
task achievement
In your conclusion, better summarize the key points discussed in the essay to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the points you will discuss, which is a crucial aspect of task response.
task achievement
You provided a personal example to illustrate your point. This added a nice touch of authenticity to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.