People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce longer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Today is known as the era of an
aging
society. From Change the spelling
ageing
this
aspect, questions about whether individuals
live longer today and so they should stay in the workforce
longer arise. In my opinion, they should stay in the workforce
longer.
Irrefutably, the young are more likely to struggle with a financial burden. This
is because, unlike the
past, the young who live with retired old family members Change preposition
in the
mamage
household finances and pay more taxes associated with the pension system. Correct your spelling
manage
This
obviously leads young individuals
to experience the difficulties of finances and saving money and this
in turn results in a poor quality of life.
What is more, although
the stress from the
work cannot be overlooked, an increase in mental and physical health occurs. In actual fact, labour studies undertaken by experts have revealed that older workers who stay in Correct article usage
apply
workforce
are less likely to have stress from social problems like loneliness and have opportunities to improve their physical condition through regular commuting and active work.
Correct article usage
the workforce
Nevertheless
, the freedom of individuals
from labour
force is significant. Add an article
the labour
In other words
, since retirees have worked in
their entire Change preposition
apply
life
before retirement, they deserve the chance to pursue their dreams and activities Fix the agreement mistake
lives
what
they love, so retirement would provide the opportunity for a better quality of life.
To recapitulate, the freedom of Correct word choice
that
individuals
from labour
force is significant, but the young are more likely to struggle with a financial burden and an increase in mental and physical health occurs. Add an article
the labour
Thus
, individuals
should stay in the workforce
longer.Submitted by subin12260 on
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task achievement
While the main points are relevant, try to include more specific examples or statistics to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and can boost your Task Achievement score.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally clear, but they could benefit from further development. Each paragraph should contain one main idea that is expanded upon with explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Though your ideas are mostly well-organized, ensure each of them is logically connected. Adding linking words can further enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is effective, but the conclusion could be more impactful. Summarize your main arguments more concisely.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
complete response
You address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion accurately recaps the main points discussed in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.