IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
A debatable argument is whether
money
 should be invested in developing
motorways
 and
roads
 rather than transport systems
such
 as trams and railways. The author of
this
 essay holds
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 belief that
money
 should be spent on fixing
motorways
 and
roads
. It is acknowledged that governments should invest
money
 in developing
roads
 and
motorways
.
This
 is because better road quality means increasing the level of safety of individuals.
As a result
, the percentage of
traffic
accidents
 can decline as it is safer for folks to drive. Take Viet Nam as an example, the number of
accidents
 increasing because there are numerous holes of different sizes on the
roads
Hence
, the government should focus on fixing the
roads
 to minimize the number of
accidents
 It is crucial to understand that by spending cash on
roads
 and
motorways
, there will be less
traffic
 congestion.
This
 is because expanding
roads
 and creating more lanes for cars and motorbikes allow more spaces for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
Consequently
, during rush hours, there will be fewer
traffic
 jams and individuals will not have to suffer from waiting anymore.
For example
, Viet Nam used to have lots of
traffic
 congestion but thanks to the expansion of
roads
, it is much more convenient for folks to drive.
Also
, carbon emissions may be reduced because people do not have to be stuck in
traffic
 congestion. All in all, the government should invest
money
 in fixing and expanding
roads
 to minimize
accidents
 and
traffic
 jams.
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task response
The introduction clearly states the author's opinion but could benefit from a more balanced view to address both sides of the argument. Try including a sentence that briefly acknowledges the importance of public transport systems before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased and could benefit from revising for smoother readability. Consider revising sentences to improve clarity and coherence, such as 'Take Viet Nam as an example, the number of accidents increasing because there are numerous holes of different sizes on the roads'.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that this main idea is clear. For instance, the idea of reducing carbon emissions is introduced but not developed. Either integrate it fully with examples and explanations or remove it to maintain focus.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples which strengthen the arguments. For instance, using the example of Vietnam helps illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively encapsulate the main argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • social equity
  • urban development
  • sustainable
  • mobility needs
  • revitalization
  • efficiency
  • safety
  • reliance
  • combatting
  • mitigating
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