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Band 7

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own decisions on every matters such as food, clothes and entertainment is like to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #decisions #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals
In
this
 contemporary society, the method of parenting giving the opportunity to make their own decisions has become a heated topic. Some people believe that allowing
children
 to decide about their
food
, clothes and entertainment is a crucial thing.
However
, others might argue
this
 idea by addressing some issues
such
 as showing inappropriate behaviour. In
this
 essay, I will examine both perspectives and provide my supporting opinion. Allowing
children
 to make their own choices offers multiple benefits
such
 as improving their self-confidence.
For example
,
Children
 can express their personality and build their confidence through their outfits.
Furthermore
, making their own choices helps
children
 explore new experiences and find their passions
such
 as finding their favorite hobbies.
For instance
, some
children
 can find their interest in computer programming by playing video games and want to pursue their dream to become a computer engineer.
Although
 allowing
children
 to determine their own wishes or needs offers various advantages, some people may argue that
children
 lack critical thinking skills and easily show inappropriate behaviour.
Therefore
, it is important for parents to monitor and help them choose some entertainment,
food
 and clothing. Some
children
,
for example
, may choose to eat only fast
food
 or sweet desserts rather than vegetables and fruits, which causes negative impacts on their health
such
 as obesity.
Additionally
, if parents permit
children
 to make their own decisions,
children
 might become self-centred.
children
 might show aggressive behaviour to force parents to follow their needs when they want to buy a new toy. In my opinion, it is essential to allow
children
 to make their own decisions in some situations
such
 as clothing,
food
 and entertainment or their hobbies because it helps
children
 be more confident and explore their own lifestyle. In some cases, the parent should provide some advice and help
children
 choose suitable alternatives.
Submitted by bhavifasai on

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writing
Try to avoid some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity and readability. For example, 'The method of parenting giving the opportunity to make their own decisions' could be phrased more smoothly.
writing
Add transitional devices and linking words to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
writing
You have provided strong, relevant examples to illustrate your points, such as the example about children developing a passion for computer programming through video games.
writing
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and offers your own opinion, bringing the essay to a cohesive close.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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