Studying art in schools improves studrnt's performance in other subjects ,because it is easier for multi_skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

#art #schools #studrnt #performance #subjects #students

studying

art

is beneficial in

schools

as it improves student's performance in other things , and it is useful for learning new things,

as well as

multi-skilled.

Hence

are is

Verb problem

show examples

must be essential in

schools

. first of all , almost most children

interested

Add a missing verb

are interested

show examples

art

because there is a wide variety of

art

in the world

such

as music , painting ,

handicraft

Fix the agreement mistake

handicrafts

show examples

dance

Correct word choice

and dance

show examples

furthuremore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, all of

courses

Add an article

the courses

show examples

are boring approximately , to illustrate , maths , sciences ,

physics

Correct word choice

and physics

show examples

. so ,

art

can make balance in

Add an article

the

show examples

academy.

on the other

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

some

sudents

Correct your spelling

students

have

talent

Add an article

the talent

a talent

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

art

and they are keen on

art

also

furthure

Correct your spelling

further

, it is

nessesary

Correct your spelling

necessary

that

art

be in

schools

Change the capitalization

show examples

for one , agree with

this

issue because of several reasons.

firstly

, in terms of

phsycology

Correct your spelling

psychology

art

can

decreas

Correct your spelling

decrease

stress and

refreshs

Correct your spelling

refreshes

refresh

the

mine

Correct your spelling

mind

show examples

specially when we are out of sorts or when we can not make up our minds.

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

a lot of arts , to mention some music can

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

on environment and plants. on the

ground

Add a comma

ground,

show examples

the

olants

Correct your spelling

plants

get fresh whenever we play the music.

it is clear that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

high quality of

beauties

Fix the agreement mistake

beauty

show examples

depend

Correct subject-verb agreement

depends

show examples

arts

Fix the agreement mistake

art

show examples

. since wherever we look , we can see phenomena about arts. in conclusion ,

according to

people's ideas and

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

anecdotal evidence

art

is very important to be in

schools

and it obtains

rooms

Fix the agreement mistake

room

show examples

for improvement. as

art

has

lead

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

to more skills.

Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on Mon May 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay's structure could be more logically organized. Consider a clear introduction that sets out your position, followed by body paragraphs that each cover a different point, and a coherent conclusion that summarizes your argument.

coherence cohesion

Improve your coherence by linking sentences and ideas more effectively. Use transition words and phrases to show the relationships between your ideas. This makes your essay easier to follow.

task achievement

To improve your task achievement, expand on your ideas with more detailed explanations and specific examples. This will make your arguments more compelling and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

overall

Pay attention to spelling and grammar throughout your essay. Correcting these errors will make your arguments clearer and more professional.

task achievement

You have a clear point of view and some good ideas that support your position.

task achievement

Your essay covers multiple aspects of the topic, showing a comprehensive treatment of the subject.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Studying art in schools improves studrnt's performance in other subjects ,because it is easier for multi_skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Water scarcity is a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this? And what solutions can be done by individuals and the government?

Nowadays, more and more people ffrom different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and effects on the people themselves and their families.

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What solutions can you suggest?

Some people believe that there should be the death penalty for extremely serious crimes. Others believe that it is not morally correct to kill criminals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.