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Band 5.5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #products #world #development
Globalization has made the border of every country become less apparent.
Thus
, some
countries
 tend to have similarities because their
people
 consume the same goods since the
products
 are available everywhere. Despite the controversy that arises
between
Change preposition
among
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people
 who oppose
to have
Change the verb form
having
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 identical
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 with foreign citizens, I argue that it is actually a positive development. Having new
products
 available in our
countries
 means that
people
 find it easier to purchase them and it will contribute positively to the
countries
' national income. First of all, the accessibility to the
products
 is now guaranteed.
As a result
,
people
 do not face any difficulties in obtaining the
products
,
such
 as some Korean skincare brands.
On the other hand
, the shipping fee is much cheaper than buying them directly from abroad. Meanwhile, if we buy those
products
 from their origins, we need to make sure that they will arrive safely in front of us without any scratches because in some cases, they are broken
while
in
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apply
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shipping.
This
 is why, it is an advantage to have the goods ready in our home
countries
.
Secondly
, the emergence of those goods has a positive impact
in
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on
show examples
 some
countries
' economies.
For example
,
people
 tend to consume more of either
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the viral
products
 or the new ones which stimulates the national income to rise even if just a little.
This
 is because consumption is one of the components to calculate the national income. If
this
 situation continues to occur, it is not impossible for the economic growth of the
countries
 to escalate. So, having new commodities is surely not a wrong decision.
To sum up
, it is positively agreed that new commodities are useful to push
countries
' economies
as well as
 to ease
people
's access to them.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job addressing the task. Nonetheless, it could benefit from more detailed examples to make your points even stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clear, but try to ensure they flow even more logically by using more transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is mostly cohesive. However, try to make your main points even more coherent by ensuring each paragraph supports your argument in a logical sequence.
task achievement
You successfully introduce the topic and state your position clearly, which is great for reader understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, reaffirming your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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