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Writing Samples
Band 5

‏Some people want the governments to spend money looking for life in other planets, however. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. ‏Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that investing in
asteroid
Fix the agreement mistake
asteroids
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 has many side effects.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that some individuals claim the governments to expend money looking for life on various world, there is
also
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 an argument that others emphasised
that is
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 a waste of public budget
while
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 a lot of earth threats happening. ‏On one hand, the government's efforts are not enough to explore
space
Use synonyms
 and
other globe
Change the wording
another globe
other globes
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.
In other words
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, to dive into the
depth
Fix the agreement mistake
depths
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 of
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
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, it is most likely to do planet studies through specialists.
In addition
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, establishing
space
Use synonyms
 entities and implementing
of
Change preposition
apply
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the exploration plans, strategies, and materials, are more essential than spending money, when
passionate’s
Change noun form
passionate
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 experts have the responsibility of the planet’s field, the experiments will be satisfied, which leads to more knowledge in
space
Use synonyms
 life. ‏
On the other hand
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, the majority of the government’s investment was in crucial and known areas. It is
also
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 possible to say that education enterprises have a substantial role at the primary level in countries’s development
,
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apply
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 because leaders believe that the lack of knowledge must reduce people’s behaviours and skills in exploring.
Moreover
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, teachers can enable children’s exploring capabilities by encouraging and stimulating their efforts
,
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apply
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 and supporting them to do what they belong to.
For instance
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, Rayyana Barnawi, the first Saudi spacewomen who earned more than 20 global awards says to BBC channel: “My role model who influenced me to explore the
space
Use synonyms
 was my teacher at the secondary school” and that like a power of investment in education. ‏In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that investing in human ability and interests, always will make rapidly changing and successful stories.

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task achievement
You should focus on providing more specific examples and evidence to support each point you make. Using facts, statistics, or real-life instances can strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. At times, the essay seems to diverge from the main point. Keeping paragraphs tightly focused and related to the central theme will improve clarity.
task achievement
Great effort providing a balanced discussion of both views relating to the topic. This shows a good understanding of the requirements of the task and helps build a well-rounded essay.
coherence cohesion
The use of a concluding statement that ties your arguments together and presents your opinion is effective. This helps provide closure and reinforces the central message of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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