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Band 6.5

Write about the following topic. Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement

#topic #children #lifestyle #schools #parents
In the present time, plenty of
children
 lead an unhealthy life.
Schools
 and
parents
 are responsible for solving
this
 problem.
Schools
 are responsible and communicate with
parents
.Provide parenting tips for encouraging school success to
parents
.Include
parents
 in building a learning community.Avoid using educational jargon and provide clear and practical ways
parents
 can support learning.Teach respect and respond to bullying and inappropriate behaviours.In school,
children
 take a healthy lifestyle and spend a big part of their day.Our society may be giving
schools
 increasingly more responsibility for raising
children
.
Parents
 may be expecting too much of
schools
 with an attitude.
Schools
 may experience more and more frustration that
parents
 do not do enough, but
schools
 do have a responsibility to guide
children
 and encourage and involve
parents
. Most
children
 at an early young age can not control their primitive desire to eat, play, sleep and other behaviours as well,
therefore
 they might do things too much.
For example
, some
children
 are more likely to watch television or play video games all day. For
children
,
parents
 model behaviour: and model appropriate behaviour. We are involved in your child’s learning.
Parents
 should avoid being defensive about feedback about their child. Do not rescue your child. We must be involved in your school before a problem occurs rather than only after there is a problem. In conclusion,
parents
 and
schools
 must find a compromise with
children
.
Parents
 and
schools
 must share the responsibility and cooperate to ensure the social, emotional, and intellectual growth of
children
.
Submitted by genartem1986 on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to illustrate how schools and parents can address children's unhealthy lifestyles.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the thesis and that paragraphs are linked smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay successfully presents an introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the role of schools and parents.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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