IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs(for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children.) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are some
people
 who think that it is better for unpaid
community
 service to be a compulsory scheme in high schools.
However
, I completely do not believe
this
 opinion because
it is clear that
 doing mandatory jobs could be exhausting and students cannot understand the value of their
actions
. On the one hand, doing compulsory
actions
 can make
people
 exhausted. When teenagers in high
school
 are forced to do some unpaid
community
 service, they might think that it is
work
 that they must do and there are no other options. Doing so has so many bad effects on their mind and
also
 they do not do these
charity
 works by all means not make their
work
 of a high quality.
For example
, some students in a high
school
 in my country were forced to clean a park near their
school
 to be a part of
charity
work
 some of them were not happy and did not want to do
this
work
, but they had to do and there were no options for them. So, they were not keen on doing so anymore in the future.
On the other hand
,
although
 doing unpaid
community
 service can improve the standard level of life of
people
, mandatory
work
 for students cannot keep these
actions
 for a long time. When teenagers in high
school
 do
charity
work
 voluntarily, they feel better because of their
work
. They
also
 realize the value of their creations and clap to do more. They feel even-handed with
people
 and like-minded when they are doing these
actions
 voluntarily. In the bottom line, I am exactly disagree with
this
 matter which is high
school
 compulsory unpaid
community
. Because they need to be free
while
 doing
charity
work
 that makes them more confident and good feeling they
also
 know the value of their
work
 and clap to do more of these
charity
 works.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider providing more specific examples that illustrate your points effectively. This could enhance the level of detail in your response.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured overall, aim to refine the logical sequence between your paragraphs and ideas to maintain coherence smoothly throughout.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic, beginning with a strong introduction that conveys the writer's position.
coherence cohesion
The writer offers reasons for their opinion, organizing the essay into distinct points, which supports readability.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main arguments effectively, reinforcing the writer's perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: