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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

he charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in one country between 1920 and 2019.

he charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in one country between 1920 and 2019.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #country
The graphs illustrate the
alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
show examples
 in electrical devices and the amount of time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on housework in 1 nation in the period 1920-2019.
Overall
, the percentage of households
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 Washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
, Refrigerator,
Vacuum
Correct word choice
and Vacuum
show examples
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 increased
while
 the number of
hours
 spent on those devices saw a decrease. It can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the percentage of Washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 from 1920 to 1960 increased from 40% to 70%.
However
, 20
years
after
Rephrase
later
show examples
,
this
 figure saw a decline to about 65%.
Additionally
, from 1980 to 2019,
this
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
 went up slightly to 72%. Moving to the Regrigerator's portion, it was
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1% to 100% in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 60
years
. After 39
years
, It saw a remain
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and was the highest rate in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 59
years
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the ratio of Vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 rose from 30% to 100% in the same 1920-2000,
then
 it saw
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 19
years
. Turning to the number of
hours
 chart, there was a significant plunge from 50
hours
 to 30
hours
 per week in 1920 to 1960.
Then
, it went down moderately from 20 to 15
hours
 in 1980.
Besides
, the number of
hours
 was a steadiness in 2000.
On the other hand
, in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 19
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
this
 figure
fall
Change the verb form
falls
show examples
 down faintly from 15% to 10%
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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