IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

he charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in one country between 1920 and 2019.

he charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in one country between 1920 and 2019.
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The graphs illustrate the
alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
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 in electrical devices and the amount of time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on housework in 1 nation in the period 1920-2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of households
in
Change preposition
with
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 Washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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, Refrigerator,
Vacuum
Correct word choice
and Vacuum
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cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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 increased
while
Linking Words
 the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on those devices saw a decrease. It can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the percentage of Washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 from 1920 to 1960 increased from 40% to 70%.
However
Linking Words
, 20
years
Use synonyms
after
Rephrase
later
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 figure saw a decline to about 65%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, from 1980 to 2019,
this
Linking Words
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
 went up slightly to 72%. Moving to the Regrigerator's portion, it was
an
Correct article usage
apply
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1% to 100% in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 60
years
Use synonyms
. After 39
years
Use synonyms
, It saw a remain
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 and was the highest rate in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 59
years
Use synonyms
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the ratio of Vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 rose from 30% to 100% in the same 1920-2000,
then
Linking Words
 it saw
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 19
years
Use synonyms
. Turning to the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 chart, there was a significant plunge from 50
hours
Use synonyms
 to 30
hours
Use synonyms
 per week in 1920 to 1960.
Then
Linking Words
, it went down moderately from 20 to 15
hours
Use synonyms
 in 1980.
Besides
Linking Words
, the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 was a steadiness in 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 19
Use synonyms
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure
fall
Change the verb form
falls
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 down faintly from 15% to 10%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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