IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, many people drive to work or school instead of walking, cycling or using public transport. Does this trend have more advantages or more disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
An increasing number of workers are commuting by car rather than using more environmentally friendly methods of transportation.
Although
Linking Words
 driving offers comfort and speed, I believe its environmental damage and the health problems of over-reliance on
this
Linking Words
 approach may overshadow its advantages.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, commuting to work by car is more comfortable than using other forms of transportation. Since
this
Linking Words
 method does not require much physical effort, all
people
Use synonyms
 have to do is get into their vehicles, which are often parked outside their homes, and drive to their workplace.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can be faster than other methods, including buses and trains, which require
people
Use synonyms
 to walk to a station and may be affected by delays.
For instance
Linking Words
, during heatwaves in London, severe delays on the Underground can result in
people
Use synonyms
 who use the metro arriving late to work,
while
Linking Words
 others who drive personal
cars
Use synonyms
 remain unaffected.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, driving contributes to environmental deterioration because most
cars
Use synonyms
 burn petrol, releasing emissions that pollute the air and contribute to global warming.
In contrast
Linking Words
, walking and cycling produce no emissions,
while
Linking Words
 public transport reduces pollution by carrying many passengers in one vehicle.
Moreover
Linking Words
, relying heavily on
cars
Use synonyms
 can cause health problems, particularly for office workers who spend long hours sitting and do little exercise.
This
Linking Words
 lack of physical activity can increase the risk of obesity, diabetes and heart disease.
For example
Linking Words
, many office workers who rely on
cars
Use synonyms
 for commuting suffer from chronic conditions
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and lower back pain.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think that the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 methods outwiegh the benefits by far.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though commuting to work by car is more comfortable and convenient, the harm it does to the planet and
people
Use synonyms
's health is not worthwhile.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: the bad points are stronger than the good points. To make it even better, say more about why these bad points are more important. For example, explain that harm to the air affects many people every day, while comfort mainly helps one driver.
task response
Your ideas are on topic and you cover both sides. Add one more clear point about a bad effect of cars, such as traffic, noise, or the cost of road building, to make your case stronger.
task response
Your examples fit the main ideas, but some sound very broad. Make them more exact or use a short, clear made-up case. For example, explain how one full bus can take many people who may otherwise use many cars.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: good points, bad points, then a final view. Keep this plan, but make the link between the two body parts stronger with a line such as: “However, these gains for drivers come at a much higher cost.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” work well here. You can also use simple links like “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In contrast” to show cause and result more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word errors because they can stop the reader. Write “this method” not “this methods”, and “outweigh” not “outwiegh”. Also remove extra spaces in “by car” and “people’s health”.
task response
You answer the main question fully and give a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You give useful reasons on both sides: comfort and speed on one side, and harm to the air and health on the other.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, and your examples come after the ideas in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
The first and last parts match well, so the reader can easily follow your main view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: