IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. what are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping centers rather than smaller, more traditional shops?

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In the present world, In the big cities, many enormous shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 have been constructed. The rise of those shopping areas like
malls
Use synonyms
 and department
stores
Use synonyms
 means the dying of the smaller local
shops
Use synonyms
 especially in the capital cities. Discussing the positives and negatives of shopping in larger
malls
Use synonyms
 rather than the smaller corner
shops
Use synonyms
 will be described in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many
people
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 choose to buy certain things like accessories, amenities and electrical gadgets in the shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 traditional shop because shopping in the plaza brings many advantages
such
Linking Words
 as buying various
goods
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 in one place and lower prices compared with the local
shops
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. To illustrate, in the past,
people
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 went shopping the weekly groceries at the street market and if they wanted to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
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lipstick, they needed to go to another local shop.
Whereas
Linking Words
, nowadays
people
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 can buy groceries and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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lipstick in the same building which is very convenient for them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, paying with mobile banking or credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 is mostly not acceptable for traditional
shops
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 because the owner needs to register the payment systems and pay more taxes. Moving on to the disadvantages,
firstly
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, shopping in the larger department
stores
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 may lead to wiping out of the corner
shops
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 or the smaller
shops
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 from cutting down the
goods
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 price.
Following
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this
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, the lower price is good for customers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but harmful to the competitors who will lose their regular customers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 continue to choose to buy things from the big
malls
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instead
Linking Words
 of traditional
stores
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, the lack of support for local
shops
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 that sell specific or special
goods
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 will be gone. In conclusion, the
large
Correct quantifier usage
number of large
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 department
stores
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 and shopping
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malls'
Change noun form
malls
show examples
 numbers are on the rise, leading to the decreasing number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smaller traditional
stores
Use synonyms
 in the cities. Even shopping in the larger shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 brings convenience to customers, it can cause negative influences on local
shops
Use synonyms
 and end up losing traditional local
goods
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your argument remains focused. While your essay has a clear structure, some of your points could be expanded upon with more detail and clarity. For example, provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your points about the convenience and pricing benefits of large shopping centers.
task achievement
Try to avoid repeating the same point using different words. For instance, you mention the convenience and the presence of both groceries and cosmetics in one place twice. Instead, expand on other relevant aspects like variety and quality of products in bigger malls compared to smaller shops.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical transitions between your points. Although your essay is generally well-structured, some of the transitions between the pros and cons could be smoother. Consider using phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Nevertheless' to create a more natural flow between contrasting ideas.
coherence cohesion
Polish the grammar and minor errors such as 'and and a lipstick' should be 'and a lipstick.' Additionally, ensure to maintain formal language throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets up the discussion of the advantages and disadvantages effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion successfully summarises the main points and restates your position on the topic, strengthening the overall coherence of the essay.
supported main points
You provide clear examples, such as the convenience of buying groceries and cosmetics in one location, which helps support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • decline
  • corner shops
  • larger shopping centers
  • mall
  • department store
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • wide range
  • brands
  • convenience
  • ease of shopping
  • food options
  • entertainment options
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • modern
  • comfortable
  • shopping environment
  • parking spaces
  • one-stop shopping
  • services
  • customer service
  • locally owned businesses
  • overcrowding
  • long lines
  • impersonal
  • overwhelming
  • excessive consumerism
  • environmental impact
  • consumption
  • limited opportunities
  • bargaining
  • dependency
  • transportation
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