IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Topic: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environment problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#topic #people #time #loss #species #plants #animals #environment
It has always been a controversial issue whether
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of special species of
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
 and animals is the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
challenges
Fix the agreement mistake
challenge
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 or
we
Correct word choice
whether we
show examples
 should concentrate on other
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 problems more. In my point of view,
however
 some particular
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
creatures and
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
 are in danger,
it
Correct word choice
so it
show examples
 is a good idea that individuals focus on tackling other environmental difficulties.
To embark
Fix the infinitive
Embark
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, the amount of hunting is enhancing annually so most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
species of animals will
exposure
Verb problem
be exposed
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 extinction. After that,
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of plants will be influenced, and people will not pick out
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
show examples
 of them to eat.
For example
,
according to
 one documentary which
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 shown on BBC three months ago,
special
Correct article usage
a special
show examples
 herb was grown in Africa which
cure
Wrong verb form
cured
show examples
 5 miscellaneous ailments but after its extinction, country-dwellers lost their chance.
On the other hand
, nowadays
environment
 is influenced by human
judge
Replace the word
judgment
show examples
.
In other words
, the more trash is produced, the more carbon footprint and ozone depletion will be increased in the near future.
This
 is the main problem which humans are faced
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
thus
 they have to solve it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it will
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the rate of sicknesses
such
 as respiratory disease.
As a result
, individuals have to prevent
to make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 various rubbish, and manufacturing new products with the lowest trash should
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 a rule in factories by the governments.
For example
,
according to
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 articles, approximately 90 % of carbon dioxide is created by factories around the world.
To conclude
, I personally believe that
although
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of some animals and plants is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 of
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, other environmental challenges
such
 as
emission
Correct article usage
the emission
show examples
CO2
Change preposition
of CO2
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more tangible than it. People can
outcome
Correct your spelling
overcome
show examples
this
 difficulty with
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
show examples
 of trash.
Submitted by abhari1997 on

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task response
Your essay addresses both views on the topic, which is a good start. To enhance the task response, try to elaborate more on each viewpoint and further delve into the implications of each issue. Ensure each paragraph clearly supports one main idea with relevant details and examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Aim to improve the flow by using clearer topic sentences and more cohesive devices. For instance, start each paragraph with a sentence that clearly states the main idea of that paragraph.
introduction conclusion present
Good job on presenting a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay well.
supported main points
You have provided examples to support your points, such as the BBC documentary and information about carbon dioxide production, which help illustrate your ideas effectively.

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