The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 amd 2006.

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 amd 2006.
The bar chart compares the four types of digital
games
in terms of
overall
sales
in
billions
of
dollars
in the world from 2000 to 2006.
Overall
, the most
sales
were experienced in
sales
of the handheld
games
.
While
the
sales
of handheld, online and mobile phone
games
increased gradually, the
sales
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
console
games
decreased slowly. In 2000, about 11
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
sales
Change preposition
in sales
show examples
were experienced in handheld
games
. Its
sales
increased quickly to approximately 15
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
in 2002 and levelled off until 2005.
Then
, it grew sharply to nearly 18
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
in 2006. Regarding online
games
Change the noun form
game
show examples
sales
, its
sales
began at about 1
billions
Change to a singular noun
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
in 2001. It rose slowly to approximately 4
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
in 2004 and continued its growth to reach the highest peak at 10
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
in 2006. Turning to
indicator
Add an article
the indicator
an indicator
show examples
of mobile phone
sales
, it began with 2
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
sales
Change preposition
in sales
show examples
in 2002.
Then
, it had
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
increase to about 7
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
by 2006. Regarding
figure
Correct article usage
the figure
show examples
for
sales
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
console
games
, its decline started at 6
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
in 2000 and continued to hit the lowest point at approximately 3
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Vocabulary: Replace the words games, sales, billions, dollars with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: