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Writing Samples
Band 4

the chart below gives onformation on number f workers in different occupations who migrated to australia between 2009 and 2012

the chart below gives onformation on number f workers in different occupations who migrated to australia between 2009 and 2012
#onformation #f #workers #occupations #australia
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The bar chart demonstrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of migrants in four different categories including account, cook, software, engineer and computer programmer from 2009 to 2012 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can observed that the
number
Use synonyms
 of migrations of computer
programmer
Fix the agreement mistake
programmers
show examples
 was lowest in all
different
Correct article usage
the different
show examples
 given. The three job seekers have a significant
number
Use synonyms
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 accounts hold the highest position. In the beginning with, accounts migrated to Australia in 2009, which increased
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 20000 to 28000 after one year. In the following, the graph reduced and remained declined than 20000 in 2012. Compared to cooks, it decreased
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 17000 by 2012 and increased over the year from 19000 in 2009. Regarding computer
programmer
Fix the agreement mistake
programmers
show examples
, only 2000 people migrated in 2009 and 2011,
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 escalated to 500
at the end
Linking Words
 of the graph.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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