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Band 4.5

Some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit the as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #purpose #schools #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
A section of individuals believes the primary factor of institutions is
giving
Verb problem
having
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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 impact on students to do
a
Correct article usage
apply
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valuable
worker
Replace the word
work
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,
instead
 of
benefit
Change the verb form
benefiting
show examples
 their selves.
This
 author disagrees that
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
 plays an essential role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 individuals’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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due to
 a huge amount of
skills
 and numerous qualifications, which are important for future jobs. Education helps
s
Correct your spelling
students
 with many useful
skills
 through many scientific subjects
such
 as Physics, Math, and Chemistry.
Practicing
Change the spelling
Practising
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those subjects makes logical
skills
 and minding update and be better.
Besides
 that, many extra-curricular activities make pupils more active, effective and straightforward
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 management and teamwork experience.
For instance
, in fact, many pressing problems and accidents cannot
prevent
Wrong verb form
be prevented
show examples
 but through solving-trouble
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, many issues can
cope
Verb problem
be
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 with simultaneously and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most effectively.
In addition
, studying and testing at schools can assess your realistic ability and give you a degree or quality
that is
 the fact of your intelligence and it is one of the
chance
Change to a plural noun
chances
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the near future. Qualifications sometimes
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the priority way to people assess someone or one’s knowledge and talent. Take many Asian countries as
example
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an example
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, unlike Europe, Asian parents
whish
Correct your spelling
wish
show examples
 their offspring
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 have many degrees
on
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in
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 some famous institution or universities. Unless you have some good results or qualities, you will be a loser.
To sum up
, schools are the places
that
Correct word choice
where
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 you can improve your
skills
 and receive many accomplishments for your ability and talent.
Hence
, educating at school absolutely affects positive way on pupils’ selves, rather than
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their countries or commercial aid.
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task achievement
Work on creating more specific and impactful examples to illustrate your points. Real-world examples can make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a more cohesive and logically structured essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next with clear linkage of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Focus on reducing grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will help in making your essay clearer and more comprehensible.
task achievement
You have made a clear attempt to answer the prompt, and your essay offers a recognizable structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay discusses multiple aspects of the education system's role in personal and professional development, showcasing a well-rounded perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
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