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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport system such as railways and tram. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #system #railways #tram
It is believed that
roads
 and motorways should be prioritized to invest
money
 in rather than
transport
 systems for the community, like railways or
tram
Fix the agreement mistake
trams
show examples
.
This
 essay aims to explain the writer’s opposition to the mentioned view and emphasize that public delivery networks are worth investing
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 The advocates of spending
money
 on
roads
 and motorways might argue that
this
 satisfies the rising demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individual vehicles of the workforce. Because of the growing population and the decline in the price of cars and motorbikes, those modes of
transport
 require more
roads
 to commute smoothly.
However
, the land is limited
while
 there are more and more people need to travel, leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
congestion in many cities despite
recently-constructed
Correct your spelling
recently constructed
show examples
 highways for both cars and motorbikes. Notwithstanding, the compensation and other fees to establish new
roads
 might be so extravagant that refilling the invested
money
 takes a long time to complete.
On the contrary
,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of giving financial support to developed public
transport
 infrastructures can be more significant.
Firstly
, the capability of goods and commuters on each journey is bigger, especially with trains and
tram
Fix the agreement mistake
trams
show examples
, leading to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase in profit
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 logistic companies.
Secondly
,
public
Correct article usage
a public
show examples
 network of vehicles can reduce not only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic congestion but
also
 pollution as those means use specific
roads
 so there are no
delay
Fix the agreement mistake
delays
show examples
 and wasted fuel.
Finally
,
although
 some people
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that they cannot reach the final destination via railways, like a specific museum in a city, investing in hiring bicycle systems
such
 á the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 in Amsterdam could address
this
 problem. In conclusion,
money
 should be spent on public
transport
 facilities
instead
 of motorways and
roads
. The saving of extra fees or the reduction of wasted fuels and exhausted gases are some advantages of
this
 wise approach.

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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task and your ideas are clearly explained overall. However, make sure you delve deeper into supporting your points with more specific examples to enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of your essay is fairly well-organized, adding more linking words and phrases could further improve the fluency of your essay. Ensure all transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the task adequately by presenting both sides of the argument before providing your own perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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