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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

THE LINE GRAPH SHOWS THE PRISON POPULATION IN A EUROPEAN COUNTRY BETWEEN 1911 AND 2001.

THE LINE GRAPH SHOWS THE PRISON POPULATION IN A EUROPEAN COUNTRY BETWEEN 1911 AND 2001.
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The given line graph illustrates the number of
prisoner
Change to a plural noun
prisoners
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 between women and men in
an
Change the article
a
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 European region from 1911 to 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that there was a significant rise in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 in 100
years
Use synonyms
 with the highest at 45,00 in 2001 and the lowest at 10,000 in 1931.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
Add an article
the male
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male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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,
Add an article
the female
a female
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female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 had a sharp decline over 100
years
Use synonyms
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 the top at 3200 in 1911 and the tiniest at 500 in 1941. On the one hand,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 had a number approximately no change with 20,000 between 1911 and 1921
then
Linking Words
 there was a decrease to 10,000 in 1931. From 1931 to 1941 it had a steady rise and
jump
Wrong verb form
jumped
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 up to 21,000 in 1951. After that in the next 10
Use synonyms
years
Add a comma
years,
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 it had a minimal rise to 23,000
then
Linking Words
 dropped to 21,000. From 1971 to 2001, the population had a big trend and reached a high top at 45,000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 had a noticeable fall from 3,100 to under 1,000 between 1911 and 1941. During 20
years
Use synonyms
 after
that
Add a comma
that,
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 it climbed to 1,300 and continued to fall
at
Change preposition
to
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 1000 in 1971.
However
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
 30
years
Use synonyms
, it jumped up to nearly 2000
at
Change preposition
in
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 2001.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "jump" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • steady rise
  • sharp decline
  • plateau
  • spike
  • dip
  • trend
  • peak
  • period
  • decade
  • stable
  • significant change
  • historical context
  • socio-political factors
  • implications
  • legal system
  • economy
  • social services
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